In between writing a novel...

Well, I was gonna post this a few weeks ago, but I got caught up. But since my novel got shot in the chest and is in surgery right now, I guess I should post this. So I've been having an affair with a certain lovely game from my wedlock with work and productivity...

Ratchet: Deadlocked is the fourth installment (I think) of the Ratchet and Clank series. It takes place in an underground gladiator stadium station known as "Dreadzone", with Ratchet as an unwilling (...sort of) contestant. Here, Ratchet is put through a series of challenging courses for the amusement of Dreadzone fans worldwide. However, you don't actually use Clank in this game (although he is featured and you talk to him and such), hence why the title is onlt Ratchet. You just don't use him as a backpack helicopter/jetpack (I've always preferred the jetpack). You'd think this would make this game worse than the rest of the series. Oh no. I would say this is my favorite in the series. Why? Well...

You may think this is because there is a lot of blowing shit up in this game. Well, I do so love the blowing shit up. But if you think that's the sole reason this is my favorite, you've never played any of the games, because there is a lot of blowing shit up in ALL of the games. This is a Ratchet and Clank game. You blow shit up. This shouldn't need to be spelled out here. So. What is it that sets this game's blowing shit up apart from every other game's? Well. First of all, we have the robots that you only get in this game, named Merc and Green.

Pictured: Ratchet (front), Merc (left or right), and Green (the one Merc's not).

In place of Clank, these two robots assist you in fights and other matters. Together, you make up Team Darkstar. Their previous owner "no longer needed them" (read: died), and so, Ratchet inherited them. But as Merc says, "You're not gonna end up like that other guy!" Green's kind of a wuss, though, as he keeps having nightmares. Merc tells him to suck it up. The two bots' quips throughout the story are entertaining, and they certainly add to the game. One of the best reasons to play it is for the humor in the series, after all. But they don't make this game my most favorite. Oh no. That dubious honor goes to the green announcer known as...

My god, his facial expression here is priceless.

This is Dallas, one half of the announcing duo on Dreadzone. Suffice to say: This guy is fucking hilarious. While he and his less humorous counterpart, Juanita, both sort of rag on Ratchet throughout the game (sans the SPOILERIFIC ENDING of course), and much like his comments wouldn't be the same without the crazy robotic bitch, and this game wouldn't be the same without this weird, retarded alien. Dallas is the creator of many, many great one-liners, such as:

"That lombax is terminating with extreme prejudice! It's a good thing we're out of range, Juanita. ...We are out of range, aren't we?"

"It's time to get silent but deadly!" (in reference to a certain arena battle involving gas that slowly drains your health)

"Some gladiators just can't handle their gas!"

"This guy should have his own fitness machine! His own shoes! His own FAT BURNING BARBEQUE!"

"Team Darkstar is making their mark on Dreadzone! ...Team Markstar is making their dark on Redzone! Oh dear, I've gone cross-eyed..."

"Our contestant is kicking some proverbial butt! And by proverbial I mean...I...I don't really know what that means."

Pretty much anytime he says "Juanita". Bonus point if he spits while he's saying it all, "Juuaaaaaanita".

And my favorite:

"Man, I am beside myself, and BOY do I look good!"

Of course you will observe that all of these lines are corny as hell and are about as mature as an unborn fetus. This of course means it is good comedic material. Duh.

So yes. Ratchet and Clank is a great series and by all means go pick it up (damn you PS3 for taking these away). I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with me if I said this was the best Ratchet and Clank (after all, Up Your Arsenal, the third in the series, made the top 200 game informer list. I forgot where), but I suppose I should point out that, first of all, it's just "Ratchet" and second of all I wouldn't say that because I just say it's my favorite in the series.

You know, there's blowing stuff up in all of the games but this one has the least platforming I wonder if that's why I like it so much. Oh and happy December everyone.

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.