So this isn't a real update. I'm sure that's a disappointment to the 5 of you that read this. No, a lot of shit happened last night and I'm tired and I haven't washed in far too long. What I need is a shower and a nice long sleep.
However, I'm not just posting this to rant. I've noticed a few things in my posts lately - namely, posting errors running rampant like small, evil children. I don't go through an editing phase when I post, and I don't catch them when I look over them, so I think I'm going to change that. You guys deserve better than that lack of professionalism, after all.
Secondly, though, what I've been REALLY disappointed in is my tendency to skip a day for an update. Once is no big deal, but two, three...they're starting to stack up. So I think, since I don't have work tomorrow or Wednesday, I'm going to make an update tomorrow AND Wednesday night, just to catch myself up. I really hope I can stick to this, so that the 4 of you will have something to look forward to.
Anyways. Ciao, I need to sleep.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 31, 2009
August 30, 2009
This was a bad idea.
Why is it I can view the world in a positive light at work, but not at home? Maybe it's because I force myself to so I don't just ragequit my job.
So tonight, dear readers, for the lack of having decent platforming games to write about (lawls work and stuff), so instead, I headed off to http://www.addictinggames.com/, and decided that I would pick a game from each genre and play it and write a little blurrrrb on it. It starts with Action (stereotypical) and ends with Life & Style (which I’m a little afraid of). I could have put this off until tomorrow, but I couldn’t have, because I need to finish my article for the Escapist tomorrow. And I’ve got sort of a new idea in mind for this blog, maybe to take it in a new direction or something. We’ll see if I can find the time to actually do it.
ACTION!
(Okay, as an aside, I clicked action games, and got a “Parking Lot” game. You know, those shitty puzzles where you have to work the car into a specific place? Okay first of all, I already have to do that whenever I drive. When I’m playing games I’m trying to get AWAY from reality. Secondly, those parking games are full of action. With cars going like 5 mph. Yeah, man, going like 100? That’s SO overrated.)
So, ignoring Addicting Games’ apparent inability to sort things into the appropriate genre, I looked at the list of games ahead of me. So many choices, even though there were a fair amount of puzzle games. Eventually I settled on Electric Man 2. I click on it to open it up and get a screen that reminds me of a spazzy Matrix. You know, the green and black motif…except it was spazzing out so bad it looked like it was on crack. But oh well. Apparently it’s a game about stick people fighting each other to figure out which one is the best (*cues Pokemon theme*). So, after giving the instructions page a quick look-over, I entered the real game.
I am greeted at first by a character creation screen with a couple of aura colors to give my character. My choices weren’t especially varied, so I picked white on the off-chance there would be a white background and I wouldn’t be able to see it. And for a name, I decided “3-D Flat Stick Man” would be adequate in an attempt to be clever. But it was too long, so “3-D Flat” it was.
So then there’s the tutorial. Did you know you could run left and right with the left and right keys? What a surprise. Incidentally, the background is white. Bwahaha. I’m not going to bore you with the details. However, if you throw someone into the air and then don’t move, they land on you, which I found very funny. Also, they continue to rip off the Matrix with slow-motion moves. But in all honesty, it SEEMS like the creator put a lot of thought into how the attacks would function based on the amount of enemies around you, their position relative to yours, and whether you’re standing or running.
Hang on a sec, lemme play a few matches so I can be disappointed.
Wow, okay, so that was pretty cool. The moves do change. There’s a standing move, running move, and a move when you have one person on either side of you. It’s fun to play and the sound effects of people getting hit made me giggle. However, when I got to the fourth match, I had almost lost all of my health, and I was worrying about the next four (they comes in rounds of four). So maybe I just suck. Let’s see…yup. Lost the sixth match. Oh well. Honestly, I’m not sure I want a flash game that requires skill. That sounds bad, but if I’m playing a flash game, then I seriously have nothing better to do with my time (or I’m writing a blog article). But anyways, if you like flash fighting games, give it a go, it’ll at least amuse with a Matrix ripoffs and sound effects of shit getting hit.
SPORTS!
…Ugh. You know what, let’s just skip it.
PUZZLE!
Oh look, the parking lot game is here too. What the fuck, Addicting Games? Anyways, I’ve never been a fan of puzzle games, really. Ever heard of “Professor Layton and the
Anyways, let’s see the mess we have here. “The Vision Test”? Okay, here goes. “Instructions: Read the text. Click the correct answer.” Mmhmm, well, can’t be that hard.
Why is there an asterisk next to “The Vision Test”?
…Okay, so it gives you a word in some bizarre shape and then 4 options, 2 of similar words and 1 that’s the word written above. You have to click the same word that’s shown. Really boring. Don’t even bother with it. Moving on.
SHOOTING!
Actually, I really like the sniping games in this section and I’ve played them all already. Buuut, I’m trying to stick to stuff that I haven’t played so…hmm, how about a zombie shooter? ((Oh shit, “sextreme catapult”!))
I’m already regretting this.
“Ragdoll Zombie Slayer”. No, I did NOT actually play the sex game (or did I?). I’m amazed at how much more simple these games have been compared to the first one. Booting it up, I see a screen that’s very red with some sort of death-metal song playing. I suppose that’s cool? This game can be summed up very easily.
Shoot in front of main character who is dressed in some sort of “badass” biker outfit. Aim up when the zombies load up their catapult and fire their brethren at you. If you hit them once, though, you don’t have to worry about the flying ones. Also, apparently the zombies occasionally load up extra bullets and health in their catapults. Strange. So I wonder if all zombie shooters are like this? That mindless? I know Left 4 Dead is a little more fun to play. Or at least watch.
ARCADE!
Hahaha! Okay, I know I was going to stick to stuff I hadn’t played before, but “Karoshi Suicide Man”. It’s a funny game where your goal is the opposite of most games. Instead of living, your goal is to kill yourself (how many of you guessed that at the name? Let’s see hands.). It seems simple at first, and it is, but some of the puzzles get kind of tricky, as you have to use a bullet to indirectly kill yourself (it wouldn’t be any fun if you could just AIM at yourself).
Besides, if you worked in a cubicle and couldn’t even aim a gun at yourself, I think you would want to kill yourself too.
…Who has a workplace with that many spikes lying around, anyhow?
STRATEGY!
I don’t like this genre of gaming too much either, to be honest. But…well, there’s a game called “World Domination”, and I could use the practice, to be honest, soo…
((Interjection: What the fuck? There are ads before the games, and it opened with something along the lines of “Do you have problems with disbelief? You may if you can’t believe I’m interrupting your programming.” The ad goes on to be a fantastically clever ad about people who don’t believe in things like gravity and are crazy.
It turned out to be advertising a fiber supplement thingy. I have never been so disappointed in my life. We’re wasting these clever advertisers on fiber products? Really? Don’t we have more important things to advertise? Like decent video games?))
The World Domination title screen is pretty epic. I say that because I missed the opening movie because I was writing about that awesome ad. Looking at the screenshot of the main game panel they have in the instructions, it looks like I’m going to be in the Pentagon, with the panels they might use there. There’s a missle/nuking side and then a people/defensive side. You see the leaders at the top, and then it looks like you pick stuff to bomb on the right. Cool. Let’s get started. Oh snap! I can select my ENEMIES. Oh man. Ahahaha. Ahahahaha! Okay. We’ve got…oh, I’m just going to list them all because this is cracking me up. Shiron, G.W. Bash, Vedil Costra, Nutty Bilar (bwahaha, this one cracks me up even more for some reason), Osumo Ben Lada (though this one is good too – Osumo!), Quin Quichan, Soddom Hassien, Kum Jing (I laughed. I admit it.), Vlodimar Pitun, and Col. Kodoffi. That’s fantastic. So, in order to make this the most ridiculous fight ever, I decided to pick a fight with Nutty Bilar, Quin Quichan,Vlodimar Pitun, and Col. Kodoffi. Oh snap! I can also choose my religion/ideology. We have Islamic, Communist, Christian, and Judaism. Deciding to lower the odds against me even more, I picked Judaism.
So, I start, and to be honest, I’m a little overwhelmed. Let’s do a little math. There are 10 block of different options and 4 options on all of them except for 1, which has 3. This leaves me with a grand total of 39 options of SHIT I CAN DO. Okay, so it’s not all available right off the bat, but you can still see it. It’s a little overwhelming. So, I opted to upgrade my spy ability first because that’s how I roll. I then got the option to buy the full version of the game. My first thought was: There’s a full version of this game? My second thought was: Who the hell would buy a full version of this game? I sent a spy to spy on Quin Quichan, who I thought would be the most suspicious. My hilariously inept spy got killed the second he got there. Dammit. There’re too many options on here and my eyes hurt.
ADVENTURE!
There’s a game called “Escape the Lion Cage”. Here’s my master plan. 1. Get eaten. 2. Don’t die. 3. Get removed as excrement. 4. Reform into self. 5. ??? 6. PROFIT! I’m a genius. I know.
“City Jumper”! This sounds cool.
…It’s not, really. You press left to jump a little bit and right to jump a lot. You jump over buildings. Okay, here’s a new rule. When you make a game, step back and evaluate the awesomeness of it. If it’s not that awesome, don’t take a name that sounds cool and use it. Or like, at least put an asterisk next to the title or something.
LIFE & STYLE!
You were all looking forward to this one too, huh? Yeah, you don’t need to lie to me.
Why are there a bunch of porno games in this section?
Well, because I’m tired and now lazy, I opted for the game “Whack your Soulmate”. The term “game” is used loosely here. You have two people and a couple of objects around their feet. Click an object, and they kill each other with it. Not really a game but amusing nonetheless, especially since I find the concept of marriage itself amusing.
…HOLY SHIT. In one of them, someone ACTUALLY GETS POOPED ON. Your homework is to find out which one!
That’s it. Go home.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
So tonight, dear readers, for the lack of having decent platforming games to write about (lawls work and stuff), so instead, I headed off to http://www.addictinggames.com/, and decided that I would pick a game from each genre and play it and write a little blurrrrb on it. It starts with Action (stereotypical) and ends with Life & Style (which I’m a little afraid of). I could have put this off until tomorrow, but I couldn’t have, because I need to finish my article for the Escapist tomorrow. And I’ve got sort of a new idea in mind for this blog, maybe to take it in a new direction or something. We’ll see if I can find the time to actually do it.
ACTION!
(Okay, as an aside, I clicked action games, and got a “Parking Lot” game. You know, those shitty puzzles where you have to work the car into a specific place? Okay first of all, I already have to do that whenever I drive. When I’m playing games I’m trying to get AWAY from reality. Secondly, those parking games are full of action. With cars going like 5 mph. Yeah, man, going like 100? That’s SO overrated.)
So, ignoring Addicting Games’ apparent inability to sort things into the appropriate genre, I looked at the list of games ahead of me. So many choices, even though there were a fair amount of puzzle games. Eventually I settled on Electric Man 2. I click on it to open it up and get a screen that reminds me of a spazzy Matrix. You know, the green and black motif…except it was spazzing out so bad it looked like it was on crack. But oh well. Apparently it’s a game about stick people fighting each other to figure out which one is the best (*cues Pokemon theme*). So, after giving the instructions page a quick look-over, I entered the real game.
I am greeted at first by a character creation screen with a couple of aura colors to give my character. My choices weren’t especially varied, so I picked white on the off-chance there would be a white background and I wouldn’t be able to see it. And for a name, I decided “3-D Flat Stick Man” would be adequate in an attempt to be clever. But it was too long, so “3-D Flat” it was.
So then there’s the tutorial. Did you know you could run left and right with the left and right keys? What a surprise. Incidentally, the background is white. Bwahaha. I’m not going to bore you with the details. However, if you throw someone into the air and then don’t move, they land on you, which I found very funny. Also, they continue to rip off the Matrix with slow-motion moves. But in all honesty, it SEEMS like the creator put a lot of thought into how the attacks would function based on the amount of enemies around you, their position relative to yours, and whether you’re standing or running.
Hang on a sec, lemme play a few matches so I can be disappointed.
Wow, okay, so that was pretty cool. The moves do change. There’s a standing move, running move, and a move when you have one person on either side of you. It’s fun to play and the sound effects of people getting hit made me giggle. However, when I got to the fourth match, I had almost lost all of my health, and I was worrying about the next four (they comes in rounds of four). So maybe I just suck. Let’s see…yup. Lost the sixth match. Oh well. Honestly, I’m not sure I want a flash game that requires skill. That sounds bad, but if I’m playing a flash game, then I seriously have nothing better to do with my time (or I’m writing a blog article). But anyways, if you like flash fighting games, give it a go, it’ll at least amuse with a Matrix ripoffs and sound effects of shit getting hit.
SPORTS!
…Ugh. You know what, let’s just skip it.
PUZZLE!
Oh look, the parking lot game is here too. What the fuck, Addicting Games? Anyways, I’ve never been a fan of puzzle games, really. Ever heard of “Professor Layton and the
Anyways, let’s see the mess we have here. “The Vision Test”? Okay, here goes. “Instructions: Read the text. Click the correct answer.” Mmhmm, well, can’t be that hard.
Why is there an asterisk next to “The Vision Test”?
…Okay, so it gives you a word in some bizarre shape and then 4 options, 2 of similar words and 1 that’s the word written above. You have to click the same word that’s shown. Really boring. Don’t even bother with it. Moving on.
SHOOTING!
Actually, I really like the sniping games in this section and I’ve played them all already. Buuut, I’m trying to stick to stuff that I haven’t played so…hmm, how about a zombie shooter? ((Oh shit, “sextreme catapult”!))
I’m already regretting this.
“Ragdoll Zombie Slayer”. No, I did NOT actually play the sex game (or did I?). I’m amazed at how much more simple these games have been compared to the first one. Booting it up, I see a screen that’s very red with some sort of death-metal song playing. I suppose that’s cool? This game can be summed up very easily.
Shoot in front of main character who is dressed in some sort of “badass” biker outfit. Aim up when the zombies load up their catapult and fire their brethren at you. If you hit them once, though, you don’t have to worry about the flying ones. Also, apparently the zombies occasionally load up extra bullets and health in their catapults. Strange. So I wonder if all zombie shooters are like this? That mindless? I know Left 4 Dead is a little more fun to play. Or at least watch.
ARCADE!
Hahaha! Okay, I know I was going to stick to stuff I hadn’t played before, but “Karoshi Suicide Man”. It’s a funny game where your goal is the opposite of most games. Instead of living, your goal is to kill yourself (how many of you guessed that at the name? Let’s see hands.). It seems simple at first, and it is, but some of the puzzles get kind of tricky, as you have to use a bullet to indirectly kill yourself (it wouldn’t be any fun if you could just AIM at yourself).
Besides, if you worked in a cubicle and couldn’t even aim a gun at yourself, I think you would want to kill yourself too.
…Who has a workplace with that many spikes lying around, anyhow?
STRATEGY!
I don’t like this genre of gaming too much either, to be honest. But…well, there’s a game called “World Domination”, and I could use the practice, to be honest, soo…
((Interjection: What the fuck? There are ads before the games, and it opened with something along the lines of “Do you have problems with disbelief? You may if you can’t believe I’m interrupting your programming.” The ad goes on to be a fantastically clever ad about people who don’t believe in things like gravity and are crazy.
It turned out to be advertising a fiber supplement thingy. I have never been so disappointed in my life. We’re wasting these clever advertisers on fiber products? Really? Don’t we have more important things to advertise? Like decent video games?))
The World Domination title screen is pretty epic. I say that because I missed the opening movie because I was writing about that awesome ad. Looking at the screenshot of the main game panel they have in the instructions, it looks like I’m going to be in the Pentagon, with the panels they might use there. There’s a missle/nuking side and then a people/defensive side. You see the leaders at the top, and then it looks like you pick stuff to bomb on the right. Cool. Let’s get started. Oh snap! I can select my ENEMIES. Oh man. Ahahaha. Ahahahaha! Okay. We’ve got…oh, I’m just going to list them all because this is cracking me up. Shiron, G.W. Bash, Vedil Costra, Nutty Bilar (bwahaha, this one cracks me up even more for some reason), Osumo Ben Lada (though this one is good too – Osumo!), Quin Quichan, Soddom Hassien, Kum Jing (I laughed. I admit it.), Vlodimar Pitun, and Col. Kodoffi. That’s fantastic. So, in order to make this the most ridiculous fight ever, I decided to pick a fight with Nutty Bilar, Quin Quichan,Vlodimar Pitun, and Col. Kodoffi. Oh snap! I can also choose my religion/ideology. We have Islamic, Communist, Christian, and Judaism. Deciding to lower the odds against me even more, I picked Judaism.
So, I start, and to be honest, I’m a little overwhelmed. Let’s do a little math. There are 10 block of different options and 4 options on all of them except for 1, which has 3. This leaves me with a grand total of 39 options of SHIT I CAN DO. Okay, so it’s not all available right off the bat, but you can still see it. It’s a little overwhelming. So, I opted to upgrade my spy ability first because that’s how I roll. I then got the option to buy the full version of the game. My first thought was: There’s a full version of this game? My second thought was: Who the hell would buy a full version of this game? I sent a spy to spy on Quin Quichan, who I thought would be the most suspicious. My hilariously inept spy got killed the second he got there. Dammit. There’re too many options on here and my eyes hurt.
ADVENTURE!
There’s a game called “Escape the Lion Cage”. Here’s my master plan. 1. Get eaten. 2. Don’t die. 3. Get removed as excrement. 4. Reform into self. 5. ??? 6. PROFIT! I’m a genius. I know.
“City Jumper”! This sounds cool.
…It’s not, really. You press left to jump a little bit and right to jump a lot. You jump over buildings. Okay, here’s a new rule. When you make a game, step back and evaluate the awesomeness of it. If it’s not that awesome, don’t take a name that sounds cool and use it. Or like, at least put an asterisk next to the title or something.
LIFE & STYLE!
You were all looking forward to this one too, huh? Yeah, you don’t need to lie to me.
Why are there a bunch of porno games in this section?
Well, because I’m tired and now lazy, I opted for the game “Whack your Soulmate”. The term “game” is used loosely here. You have two people and a couple of objects around their feet. Click an object, and they kill each other with it. Not really a game but amusing nonetheless, especially since I find the concept of marriage itself amusing.
…HOLY SHIT. In one of them, someone ACTUALLY GETS POOPED ON. Your homework is to find out which one!
That’s it. Go home.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 27, 2009
More Papering Mario
Man I'm tired. Is it September yet? I'm losing my sense of time. I feel old. Who are you? Who am I? Why do I smell funny?
I found myself talking in a British accent without realizing it in English earlier. I'm a little worried.
Hello again everyone! I have a funny story for you today to tell as I was playing Paper Mario, and then a little bit more on a semi-serious note. So let's get this started, because I'm trying to write this in 10 minutes!
So the last time we left off with Paper Mario, I had finished the first segment of the game and rescued the first star. Well, now it's off to the desert to rescue the second star. First, I want to introduce you to my new sidekick: Parakarry!
I found myself talking in a British accent without realizing it in English earlier. I'm a little worried.
Hello again everyone! I have a funny story for you today to tell as I was playing Paper Mario, and then a little bit more on a semi-serious note. So let's get this started, because I'm trying to write this in 10 minutes!
So the last time we left off with Paper Mario, I had finished the first segment of the game and rescued the first star. Well, now it's off to the desert to rescue the second star. First, I want to introduce you to my new sidekick: Parakarry!
He's...well, he's a little ditzy paratroopa that loses letters a lot. So in return for his services, I get to help him find these letters. I feel a little bit taken advantage of, but he carries me places I can't normally go, so I suppose it's fair. Note that this doesn't necessarily make Kooper useless, just...less useful. No, Kooper has been made obsolete by something FAR more effective.
So you remember that last blog post I did about Paper Mario? The one where I said Bombette was only good for killing one enemy at a time? Well...it held true until I got an upgrade for a sidekick of my choice. Her upgrade is...well, let's just say I found the "Fuck off" button.
It looks like this.
Basically, I use it, and everything on screen not in the air or in a shell...dies. It's pretty fucking awesome. It basically takes Bombette's ability to fuck ONE enemy over and applies it to everything on screen. Really, if I could replenish my flower points (equivalent to mana points, which is strange and disturbing) a little more effectively, I would just go around using it on EVERYTHING. For now I try to just reserve it for when there's a large group of annoying twats I don't want to deal with. This has made me like Bombette tremendously more, in addition to the fact I figured out I could get a free "fuck off" button if I timed it right so she exploded on an enemy.Most useful prostitute EVER. *ahem*
~`~Semi-serious section warning~`~
I write a blog to entertain. I write it to try and be funny and it's also a tribute to the fact I have loved video games for as long as I can remember. Sure, I didn't play the classics (which is why I have such a huge list to get through), but I really loved the games I did play. I remember playing stuff like Dragon Warrior on the NES (actually...that's really all. I was never a fan of Duck Hunt.) I played the original Sonic on the Genesis when I was too young to know what it was like to beat a game. I grew up playing the gamecube, and titles like Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, Bomberman, Metroid Prime, and Custom Robo (I'm forgetting some, but oh well.)
But that love of gaming is unrelated to whether I'm funny or not. It's unrelated to whether I have a talent for writing or not. So this is sort of an experiment, too. I want to see if people will come here to voluntarily read this shit I spew out every few days, like I have a bad, recurrent case of the flu. Of course, I don't know how to measure this, so I get stuck wondering: Am I actually writing decently? Am I missing my audience's sense of humor completely?
Well, fuck, I have no idea. I'm done writing, comment and go away.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 25, 2009
Final Thoughts on Psychonauts
I finished it. Woohoo! *fwee~e* Er, yeah. The difficulty curve in the last level or two is like running headfirst into a fucking brick wall after you just went downhill on a roller coaster. And the game controls really kind of suck.
However, you look past the dodgy gameplay and you get a really great game with some amazingly developed characters. I think it's great all of the characters have pasts and histories beyond the game. Hell, when I write a novel this November, I kinda wish I could have characters that well developed.
...Should probably get started on that, then.
Anyways, the levels in Psychonauts consist of you going into a person's mind. And the level design fits the person's past and present. I don't want to go into the specifics, so I don't ruin it for anyone else. But really, I don't feel like I'm giving the sheet amount of thought that went into this enough credit.
Okay, let's put it this way: There's this huge mutated FISH with more character depth and backstory than most of the characters in Oblivion that you'll encounter. Not to call Bethesda out or anything, but they were definitely going for quantity. And I couldn't really help but have the feeling the entire world was focused on what I did - which, it kinda was. I mean, it is a game where you craft your own experiences. But it limits the realism, the immersion of the game. In Psychonauts - yes, there's some limiting factors with the passing of time being entirely reliant on your actions. However, the game captures what I can only describe as characters, real, fleshed-out characters, with some existence outside of the game world, outside of what I was doing.
Even though they don't.
Besides, there aren't a whole lot of games out there that I will actually go back through levels to find fluff information on the characters for. I hate collectibles and I don't give a rat's ass about "perfect" files or whatever. But I really love the little slideshows you get giving you screenshots into a character's life, and the development slides you can get from getting all the emotional baggage sorted.
I really REALLY love the characters in this game.
Aw hell. Either go buy it off of Steam, or go read the Tv Tropes on it, maybe without the spoilers. I'mma stop blabbing on about how awesome this game is.
P.S. Emotional baggage is adorable.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
However, you look past the dodgy gameplay and you get a really great game with some amazingly developed characters. I think it's great all of the characters have pasts and histories beyond the game. Hell, when I write a novel this November, I kinda wish I could have characters that well developed.
...Should probably get started on that, then.
Anyways, the levels in Psychonauts consist of you going into a person's mind. And the level design fits the person's past and present. I don't want to go into the specifics, so I don't ruin it for anyone else. But really, I don't feel like I'm giving the sheet amount of thought that went into this enough credit.
Okay, let's put it this way: There's this huge mutated FISH with more character depth and backstory than most of the characters in Oblivion that you'll encounter. Not to call Bethesda out or anything, but they were definitely going for quantity. And I couldn't really help but have the feeling the entire world was focused on what I did - which, it kinda was. I mean, it is a game where you craft your own experiences. But it limits the realism, the immersion of the game. In Psychonauts - yes, there's some limiting factors with the passing of time being entirely reliant on your actions. However, the game captures what I can only describe as characters, real, fleshed-out characters, with some existence outside of the game world, outside of what I was doing.
Even though they don't.
Besides, there aren't a whole lot of games out there that I will actually go back through levels to find fluff information on the characters for. I hate collectibles and I don't give a rat's ass about "perfect" files or whatever. But I really love the little slideshows you get giving you screenshots into a character's life, and the development slides you can get from getting all the emotional baggage sorted.
I really REALLY love the characters in this game.
Aw hell. Either go buy it off of Steam, or go read the Tv Tropes on it, maybe without the spoilers. I'mma stop blabbing on about how awesome this game is.
P.S. Emotional baggage is adorable.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 23, 2009
I am a blogger . This is my blog.
I am a blogger. This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
So I was playing Psychonauts again. By the way, it's a really great game. Did I mention how good it was? And there was a level where a detective was disguising himself by holding an item and talking about it. For instance:
"I am a road worker. This is my sign. Our backs are killing us. Look at that woman's breasts. They are large."
So I decided to dedicate today's post to making up various disguises and what one would say if they were using said disguise. So without further ado:
"I like to barbeque. This is my spatula. Do you like to barbeque? We should get together sometime and barbeque. Do you like my apron? It says "Kiss the cook". Do you have an apron? I'm sure it also says "Kiss the cook"."
"I am a doctor. You can trust me. Come here. Let me put my needle in you. I want to see your bodily fluids. Do you feel alright?"
"I am a gamer. How are you talking to me? I don't have a social life. I rarely interact with other people except to get more games. I wish I had a girlfriend."
"I am an expert watch repairman. I always know what time it is. I enjoy working on watches day in and day out. I am really old. Do you need to know the time? I can manipulate time but do not due to my sense of responsibility."
"I am an eccentric sock maker. I care greatly for the comfort of my feet. I can't stand not wearing socks. I use socks for all sorts of things. What color are your socks? Do you want a free pair of used socks?"
"I am a barber. Would you like a haircut? Let me shave your head. You'd look better without it. I keep my hair cut too. Are you sure you would not like a cut? You would look better with a hair cut."
"I am a milkman."
...
OH SHI--
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
So I was playing Psychonauts again. By the way, it's a really great game. Did I mention how good it was? And there was a level where a detective was disguising himself by holding an item and talking about it. For instance:
"I am a road worker. This is my sign. Our backs are killing us. Look at that woman's breasts. They are large."
So I decided to dedicate today's post to making up various disguises and what one would say if they were using said disguise. So without further ado:
"I like to barbeque. This is my spatula. Do you like to barbeque? We should get together sometime and barbeque. Do you like my apron? It says "Kiss the cook". Do you have an apron? I'm sure it also says "Kiss the cook"."
"I am a doctor. You can trust me. Come here. Let me put my needle in you. I want to see your bodily fluids. Do you feel alright?"
"I am a gamer. How are you talking to me? I don't have a social life. I rarely interact with other people except to get more games. I wish I had a girlfriend."
"I am an expert watch repairman. I always know what time it is. I enjoy working on watches day in and day out. I am really old. Do you need to know the time? I can manipulate time but do not due to my sense of responsibility."
"I am an eccentric sock maker. I care greatly for the comfort of my feet. I can't stand not wearing socks. I use socks for all sorts of things. What color are your socks? Do you want a free pair of used socks?"
"I am a barber. Would you like a haircut? Let me shave your head. You'd look better without it. I keep my hair cut too. Are you sure you would not like a cut? You would look better with a hair cut."
"I am a milkman."
...
OH SHI--
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 20, 2009
Paper Mario Party Members (At least it isn't Mario Party...)
It's a long road ahead. Everything you want seems so far away. But you're on the path to get it, and you know it's only a matter of time.
To the three people that commented: You are wonderful people and I love you.
So, remember that time I said I hope I'll be able to say that Paper Mario is great and amazing and all that? Well, I decided to plop down (I make that noise when I sit down) and play some for a few hours...looks like about two or three. Well, I finally got past the somewhat boring beginning, and I got the first star piece I need to. And, you know, once I got past the prologue, I really began to enjoy the game.
I can see how this game might've disappointed purists of the Mario series, with the addition of some sidekick characters, but they're really making the game for me. And so, to them I will dedicate a little blurb on the three I've encountered so far, along with a thanks.
First of all, we have this little character named Goombario. As you may have guessed by the originality of his name, he's a Goomba.
To the three people that commented: You are wonderful people and I love you.
So, remember that time I said I hope I'll be able to say that Paper Mario is great and amazing and all that? Well, I decided to plop down (I make that noise when I sit down) and play some for a few hours...looks like about two or three. Well, I finally got past the somewhat boring beginning, and I got the first star piece I need to. And, you know, once I got past the prologue, I really began to enjoy the game.
I can see how this game might've disappointed purists of the Mario series, with the addition of some sidekick characters, but they're really making the game for me. And so, to them I will dedicate a little blurb on the three I've encountered so far, along with a thanks.
First of all, we have this little character named Goombario. As you may have guessed by the originality of his name, he's a Goomba.
This fellow here. He's got a hard head.The sidekick characters don't come with a huge variety of moves. They usually only have two battle moves and one field move. For this guy, we've got the moves "Headbonk", "Tattle", and "Spew off random shit that gives no additional info whatsoever". That last one is the official name. I was up in a fortress, having Bullet Bills fired at me, so I talked to him to get some hints on what to do, and he comments on how it's refreshing up there. But besides the smidge of retardation, he's not a bad fighter. It's nice that he can fight aerial enemies, like the freak Goombas with wings, or the even greater freak, the Koopas with wings. But since he's the first sidekick you get, he doesn't do very much damage. Which brings us to the next sidekick, and my personal favorite so far...
You know those blue shells in Mario Kart that just FUCK over whoever's in first place?...No? Well, there's this item you can get that just fucks over whoever happens to be in first place...
No I'm serious, if you're in first place you'll just get bombed by a fellow that looks an awful lot like this...
Let me introduce to you a little guy named Kooper. Suffice to say that this Koopa is superior in every way to your first sidekick. For starters, his field move is far more useful than "Spew off random shit that gives no additional info whatsoever". What happens is Mario jumps on him and he flies off in the direction that you aim him in, grabs any items in his path, and returns to Mario. I really like that. I have no idea how he hovers across the gaps to hit things Mario can't, but hey, acceptable breaks from reality, right? Momentum or something.
And don't even get me started on how well this little bugger FIGHTS. For starters, he's the only one that can kill a bob-omb about to explode without getting dicked over for it. That's just nice in and of itself. He can attack by flinging himself into one enemy or every grounded enemy on screen. This is so awesome. Since knocking something to the ground is just a matter of jumping on them, everything gets knocked to the ground pretty quick. And then-- BAM. Just smack everything on-screen. And toss that in with a fire flower if you're feeling lazy? Trash mobs (that's non-boss mobs for you people not in the know) don't stand a chance.
However, there is one more sidekick you get within the span of the first dungeon. And she's just perfect for boss fights...
Her eyes are closed because she's about to EXPLODE, not...oh jeez...And did you know, she's the only immortal bob-omb in the game? Every other one dies when it explodes.
I'm not sure who decided that the first female sidekick should be a bob-omb, but...well, you see the results. Her name is Bombette. Er...honestly, every time I look at it, I feel like it'd make a good stripper name. At least it's not "Bombella" or something to that effect...
For those of us that are slow out there, Bombette's field ability is blowing herself up. You set her down, she walks forward a little bit, prepares for the pain of blowing herself up, explodes in a shower of confetti...and then falls from the sky, ready to do it all over again. Yes, she will willingly do this for you as many times as you wish, even though you just helped her to escape prison (she says it was for trying to blow someone up, but I think it was more like "blow someone"...) by pointing out the obvious fact that she should have just blown up the wall. Anyways, because of that, you get a willing prostitu--...suicide bomb--...erm...sidekick.
Bombette's strength in battle is not against many, but against one, since she doesn't even have a mouth, she has to work a little...okay, I'll stop. But really, she's a strength again one mob rather than four, because of her ability to blow herself up. Yes, that's all she's really good for, killing herself. For my amusement, I'll have her attack other bob-ombs that are about to explode as well. Not only is she attacking her kin, but she gets knocked out for a turn too. Muahahaha. Um. I mean. She can run up to an enemy, and if you mash the A button fast enough, she'll explode and hit for like 4 points of damage. For a frame of reference, that's twice as much Mario can do with a regular attack, and twice as much as it takes to kill a normal Goomba. It may not seem impressive, but when you stack that with Mario's "Jump on the opponent's face 9001 times" move, it makes for a fairly impressive amount of damage. Her other move is not worth mentioning because it seems to me like it just doesn't hit for a lot. Though, for those who want to know, it's a body slam.
Even though I mocked the last sidekick, I do appreciate what they (the latter two) bring to the party. The ability to grab items out of my reach and to blow shit up and having a prostitute around when I get lonely is just great. Wait, what? I said I'd stop? Damn. Fine, fine. Anyways, it is to these (two) great characters that I say "Thank you. Thank you for aiding me in my quest to collect badges and random items. Also, the damage you add in battle is invaluable."
Commenting is for cool people. Or at least, that's how I measure how many people are reading this. If someone knows how to track hits...
SHE'S A PROSTITUTE FOR GOD'S SAKE AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 18, 2009
Socially Psychic
There comes a time for all of us when we get swallowed by darkness and despair. But it's also up to us when we decide to stop being emo and drag ourselves out of it.
I didn't think I was going to be able to write anything tonight for this blog. I suspect I have very few readers and I'm not sure I'll be able to be funny anyways. But hell, this is MY blog, and damned if I don't love writing it and the...6 or so posts I've actually made. ((By the way, if you're reading this, and you want me to know you are, COMMENT! I can't see the hits I get from blogspot, sadly.))
Anyways, today's post is going to cover quite a few games!
Psychonauts! Holy hell man, this game is amazing! I mean, you can set random critters on fire! I think you might be able to set people on fire too, lemme check.
...
Okay, well, the dicks won't let me burn them, but I can hit them with the psychoblast thingy so that's almost as good.
Anyways, it's kinda hard to pin-point exactly what's good about the game without just saying "ALL OF IT" or without parroting Yahtzee. So...where to start?
...
Well, the game isn't PERFECT. The controls are okay, and I imagine it works a little better with the Playstation 2 or Xbox controllers (Ha, those big clunky Xbox things smoother? HA!) than on the computer. The locking system pretty much only works when you're about 5 feet from a monster, which pretty much eliminates the point, always seems to lock on to the target that you don't want it to, and the game pretty much forces you to use it if you want any chance at all of dodging those damn boils a certain boss throws at you.
Roight, aside from that, the game is really fucking great. I honestly can't remember the last time I had this much fun playing a game...((Well, S4 league on good days, when people aren't ruining the game for me.))
((Random Interjection: I got sidetracked while posting this and was reading a thread aBOUT WHY -- ABOUT WHY -- damn caps lock key -- about why the Wii was great. It was a challenge to make as many positive statements about the Wii as you could without lying to yourself. Now, one of these stood out to me. "It's a great system to be social with." I couldn't help but think to myself, "If I'm playing video games, you dickhead, I don't WANT to be social."
And then I got to thinking about it. Since when was gaming a social event? 90% of the time I'm playing my games on my own. Sure you have Pokemon, but people only did that to collect all the Pokemon, or to one-up other people at the game. And since I never cared about the former, and the latter is just an ego stroke, this does not exactly strike me as SOCIAL. Now we have a bunch of shit like Rock Band and -- and fucking KARAOKE! Now it seems like it's almost unusual for someone to lock themselves in a room with a game and refuse to come out for several days save for the basic necessities.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'll go play a round or two with some friends. But nobody really holds a candle to me in Brawl and wants to play for more than a few rounds, 'cause that shit DOES get boring, and...I'm sure you all are fan of Mario Cart or some shit but Mario really never did it for me. I've tried. Super Mario Sunshine, Super Mario Galaxy, that one Mario Kart on the DS, and now Paper Mario. I really just can't get into them. I honestly hope one day I'll be telling everyone how much I love Paper Mario, but right now I can't summon the will to touch it.
Right, back on topic. There isn't really anyone that wants to play a goddamn surgery game with me either, because those games are FUCKING HARD. Besides, it's only appeals to a subdivision of a subdivision: People who like video games who like surgery/science. Who the hell else wants to play that? A game that requires specific interests and requires effort?
But really, it doesn't BOTHER me. I'm totally down with locking myself in a room to emerge a day later smelling funny to play a game. Or at least a good game. No, I just wonder when the transition happened. I wonder when games became a social activity. There's always arcades. Those were social, right? Couple'a guys could go and hit 'em up and hang out together and play games, right?
...I can't see it. I'm pretty sure that's the reason they died out.
((Interjection of the interjection: Bill O'Reilly just called a cat that could play the piano a patriot. I don't know why but this made me laugh. Like he was trying to claim such a cat could only come from America or perhaps to claim it in some form of republicanism. Hee hee.))
So why are video games now considered a social experience? I think I know where the Wii went wrong. Nintendo thinks a system that appeals to the whole family is a good idea, makes system. System sells like crack to a room full of addicts. Profit! But then the Wii kinda dies out because there's none of the "Isolate self from public" games on there. Well...maybe a handful. But that's not enough to keep us in our rooms for very long.))
Back to Psychonauts! Shit, where was I? *scrolls up* Oh yes, the FUN. Because playing it is actually fun, unlike watching a bunch of possibly drunk people going up and strumming guitars or singing badly to karaoke! Oh, you say it COULD be fun, Chrys, if you did it and didn't just watch! Well, maybe so, but I've never been too much a fan of making a fool of myself.
...
Well, not on a video game anyhow.
Psychonauts takes a traditional fantasy of running away to join the circus by making the main character a runaway FROM the circus. He joins this camp meant to train psychological soldiers (Psychonauts hahaha) and manages to fit himself in by using a few cleverly placed Jedi mind-tricks and making an impassioned speech about being under represented due to his powers. It's a little cliche, but what really makes the game are the characters, I think.
You have the crazy leader of the camp, a military type drill sergeant who is overtaken by aforementioned impassioned speech. There's a kid there with foil on his head not to keep away aliens but to stop him from murdering everyone else there. Strangely enough, he's a total wimp. I can imagine just walking around with the foil on my head. "Don't fuck with me or else I'll blow your brains out." *gets picked on* *removes foil hat and kills the idiots who ignore me* *is consequently feared and named the new ruler of the school/state/country/world* Some Russian kid who likes to wrestle with bears. That's just cool. Some snobby chick that are just...snobby. I don't particularly like them but rather what they add; the typical kids that hang out in their cliques and shun everyone else. There's a bully with huge hair and a lackey. Some secret agents with questionable motives.
When you go into the adventure and fighting parts of the games, inside people's minds, you find emotional baggage lying around. Secrets that people keep locked up. Censors to keep them sane. The shape of their mind is based on their past and their perspectives. The sergeant's mind is a battleground riddled with figments of the imagination, things like enemy soldiers, spiked poles, crazy things like demons...
Whoever's mind you're in, it really does feel like you're in THEIR MIND. Since you see all of these things it just fleshes them out and makes these lines and series' of 1s and 0s...real.
Finally, I must reiterate, the game is fun. It's immersive. It just sucks you in and you look at the clock and wonder where the time's gone, then worry because you want to keep playing and want MORE TIME to keep playing. I can't exactly say why but damn it's amazing, that little thing that certain games can do and others can't.
So go buy it. And please comment. I even made it so you can comment anonymously!
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
I didn't think I was going to be able to write anything tonight for this blog. I suspect I have very few readers and I'm not sure I'll be able to be funny anyways. But hell, this is MY blog, and damned if I don't love writing it and the...6 or so posts I've actually made. ((By the way, if you're reading this, and you want me to know you are, COMMENT! I can't see the hits I get from blogspot, sadly.))
Anyways, today's post is going to cover quite a few games!
Psychonauts! Holy hell man, this game is amazing! I mean, you can set random critters on fire! I think you might be able to set people on fire too, lemme check.
...
Okay, well, the dicks won't let me burn them, but I can hit them with the psychoblast thingy so that's almost as good.
Anyways, it's kinda hard to pin-point exactly what's good about the game without just saying "ALL OF IT" or without parroting Yahtzee. So...where to start?
...
Well, the game isn't PERFECT. The controls are okay, and I imagine it works a little better with the Playstation 2 or Xbox controllers (Ha, those big clunky Xbox things smoother? HA!) than on the computer. The locking system pretty much only works when you're about 5 feet from a monster, which pretty much eliminates the point, always seems to lock on to the target that you don't want it to, and the game pretty much forces you to use it if you want any chance at all of dodging those damn boils a certain boss throws at you.
Roight, aside from that, the game is really fucking great. I honestly can't remember the last time I had this much fun playing a game...((Well, S4 league on good days, when people aren't ruining the game for me.))
((Random Interjection: I got sidetracked while posting this and was reading a thread aBOUT WHY -- ABOUT WHY -- damn caps lock key -- about why the Wii was great. It was a challenge to make as many positive statements about the Wii as you could without lying to yourself. Now, one of these stood out to me. "It's a great system to be social with." I couldn't help but think to myself, "If I'm playing video games, you dickhead, I don't WANT to be social."
And then I got to thinking about it. Since when was gaming a social event? 90% of the time I'm playing my games on my own. Sure you have Pokemon, but people only did that to collect all the Pokemon, or to one-up other people at the game. And since I never cared about the former, and the latter is just an ego stroke, this does not exactly strike me as SOCIAL. Now we have a bunch of shit like Rock Band and -- and fucking KARAOKE! Now it seems like it's almost unusual for someone to lock themselves in a room with a game and refuse to come out for several days save for the basic necessities.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'll go play a round or two with some friends. But nobody really holds a candle to me in Brawl and wants to play for more than a few rounds, 'cause that shit DOES get boring, and...I'm sure you all are fan of Mario Cart or some shit but Mario really never did it for me. I've tried. Super Mario Sunshine, Super Mario Galaxy, that one Mario Kart on the DS, and now Paper Mario. I really just can't get into them. I honestly hope one day I'll be telling everyone how much I love Paper Mario, but right now I can't summon the will to touch it.
Right, back on topic. There isn't really anyone that wants to play a goddamn surgery game with me either, because those games are FUCKING HARD. Besides, it's only appeals to a subdivision of a subdivision: People who like video games who like surgery/science. Who the hell else wants to play that? A game that requires specific interests and requires effort?
But really, it doesn't BOTHER me. I'm totally down with locking myself in a room to emerge a day later smelling funny to play a game. Or at least a good game. No, I just wonder when the transition happened. I wonder when games became a social activity. There's always arcades. Those were social, right? Couple'a guys could go and hit 'em up and hang out together and play games, right?
...I can't see it. I'm pretty sure that's the reason they died out.
((Interjection of the interjection: Bill O'Reilly just called a cat that could play the piano a patriot. I don't know why but this made me laugh. Like he was trying to claim such a cat could only come from America or perhaps to claim it in some form of republicanism. Hee hee.))
So why are video games now considered a social experience? I think I know where the Wii went wrong. Nintendo thinks a system that appeals to the whole family is a good idea, makes system. System sells like crack to a room full of addicts. Profit! But then the Wii kinda dies out because there's none of the "Isolate self from public" games on there. Well...maybe a handful. But that's not enough to keep us in our rooms for very long.))
Back to Psychonauts! Shit, where was I? *scrolls up* Oh yes, the FUN. Because playing it is actually fun, unlike watching a bunch of possibly drunk people going up and strumming guitars or singing badly to karaoke! Oh, you say it COULD be fun, Chrys, if you did it and didn't just watch! Well, maybe so, but I've never been too much a fan of making a fool of myself.
...
Well, not on a video game anyhow.
Psychonauts takes a traditional fantasy of running away to join the circus by making the main character a runaway FROM the circus. He joins this camp meant to train psychological soldiers (Psychonauts hahaha) and manages to fit himself in by using a few cleverly placed Jedi mind-tricks and making an impassioned speech about being under represented due to his powers. It's a little cliche, but what really makes the game are the characters, I think.
You have the crazy leader of the camp, a military type drill sergeant who is overtaken by aforementioned impassioned speech. There's a kid there with foil on his head not to keep away aliens but to stop him from murdering everyone else there. Strangely enough, he's a total wimp. I can imagine just walking around with the foil on my head. "Don't fuck with me or else I'll blow your brains out." *gets picked on* *removes foil hat and kills the idiots who ignore me* *is consequently feared and named the new ruler of the school/state/country/world* Some Russian kid who likes to wrestle with bears. That's just cool. Some snobby chick that are just...snobby. I don't particularly like them but rather what they add; the typical kids that hang out in their cliques and shun everyone else. There's a bully with huge hair and a lackey. Some secret agents with questionable motives.
When you go into the adventure and fighting parts of the games, inside people's minds, you find emotional baggage lying around. Secrets that people keep locked up. Censors to keep them sane. The shape of their mind is based on their past and their perspectives. The sergeant's mind is a battleground riddled with figments of the imagination, things like enemy soldiers, spiked poles, crazy things like demons...
Whoever's mind you're in, it really does feel like you're in THEIR MIND. Since you see all of these things it just fleshes them out and makes these lines and series' of 1s and 0s...real.
Finally, I must reiterate, the game is fun. It's immersive. It just sucks you in and you look at the clock and wonder where the time's gone, then worry because you want to keep playing and want MORE TIME to keep playing. I can't exactly say why but damn it's amazing, that little thing that certain games can do and others can't.
So go buy it. And please comment. I even made it so you can comment anonymously!
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 15, 2009
Le Grand List
Hey everyone! In the future I will be attempting to take a course in VIDEO GAMING HISTORY in addition to the fuckton of schoolwork I'll have. So here we go...*inhales*
[_]Banjo-Kazooie series
[_]Baulder’s Gate 1
[_]Baulder’s Gate 2
[_]Beyond Good and Evil
[_]Bioshock
[_]Bioshock II
[_]Bust a Groove (Move?)
[_]Chrono Cross
[_]Chrono Trigger
[_](The) Dark Spire
[_]Disgaea
[_]Dragon Force series
[_]Duke Nukem series
[_]Earthbound
[_]Endless Frontier
[_]Eye of the Beholder
[_]Fallout seres
[X]Fallout III
[_]Final Fantasy:
[_]VI
[_]VII
[_]IX
[_]Tactics
[_]God of War series
[_]God of War
[_]God of War II
[_]God of War III (when I get a PS3, right)
[X]GoW: Chains of Olympus (The PSP version)
[_]Grim Fandango
[_]Half-Life series
[_]ICO
[_]Katamari Damacy
[_]Kirby Super Star Ultra
[_]Knights in a Nightmare
[_]Knights of the Old Republic
[_]Legends of Dragoon
[_]Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
[_]Lunar series (The Silver Star, Eternal Blue)
[_]Mass Effect 2 (After we wait to make sure it’s not a piece of shit)
[_]Metal Gear series
[_]Mirror's Edge
[_]Monkey Island series
[_]Morrowind
[_]Myst
[_]NiGHt's Dreamcast version
[X]Oregon Trail
[X]Paper Mario
[_]Super Paper Mario
[_]Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
[_]Phantasy Star series
[_]Prince of Persia series
[X]PoP: Sands of Time
[_]PoP: Warrior Within
[_]Pop: The Two Thrones
[_]Postal
[X]Psychonauts
[X]Ratchet/Clank
[X]Ratchet and Clank
[X]Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando
[X]Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal
[X]Ratchet: Deadlocked
[_]Rhythm Heaven
[X]Scribblenauts
[_]Second Life
[X]Shadow of the Collosus
[_]Shin Megami Tensai: Devil Survivor
[_]Silent Hill series
[X]Silent Hill II
[_]SimAnt
[_]SimCity
[_]SimEarth
[_]Suikoden
[_]Super Mario RPG
[_]Super Robot Taisen OG Saga
[_](The) Tales of…series
[X]Abyss
[X]Symphonia
[_]Tex Murphy
[_]Thief series
[_]Ultima series
[_]Wirehead
[_]Wizardry
Progress is slow down here, eh? Well, I'm busy, so sue me. I'll warn you, if you do, I'll win. But look, it's got nicer boxes and it's alphabetically organized and all...
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
[_]Banjo-Kazooie series
[_]Baulder’s Gate 1
[_]Baulder’s Gate 2
[_]Beyond Good and Evil
[_]Bioshock
[_]Bioshock II
[_]Bust a Groove (Move?)
[_]Chrono Cross
[_]Chrono Trigger
[_](The) Dark Spire
[_]Disgaea
[_]Dragon Force series
[_]Duke Nukem series
[_]Earthbound
[_]Endless Frontier
[_]Eye of the Beholder
[_]Fallout seres
[X]Fallout III
[_]Final Fantasy:
[_]VI
[_]VII
[_]IX
[_]Tactics
[_]God of War series
[_]God of War
[_]God of War II
[_]God of War III (when I get a PS3, right)
[X]GoW: Chains of Olympus (The PSP version)
[_]Grim Fandango
[_]Half-Life series
[_]ICO
[_]Katamari Damacy
[_]Kirby Super Star Ultra
[_]Knights in a Nightmare
[_]Knights of the Old Republic
[_]Legends of Dragoon
[_]Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
[_]Lunar series (The Silver Star, Eternal Blue)
[_]Mass Effect 2 (After we wait to make sure it’s not a piece of shit)
[_]Metal Gear series
[_]Mirror's Edge
[_]Monkey Island series
[_]Morrowind
[_]Myst
[_]NiGHt's Dreamcast version
[X]Oregon Trail
[X]Paper Mario
[_]Super Paper Mario
[_]Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
[_]Phantasy Star series
[_]Prince of Persia series
[X]PoP: Sands of Time
[_]PoP: Warrior Within
[_]Pop: The Two Thrones
[_]Postal
[X]Psychonauts
[X]Ratchet/Clank
[X]Ratchet and Clank
[X]Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando
[X]Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal
[X]Ratchet: Deadlocked
[_]Rhythm Heaven
[X]Scribblenauts
[_]Second Life
[X]Shadow of the Collosus
[_]Shin Megami Tensai: Devil Survivor
[_]Silent Hill series
[X]Silent Hill II
[_]SimAnt
[_]SimCity
[_]SimEarth
[_]Suikoden
[_]Super Mario RPG
[_]Super Robot Taisen OG Saga
[_](The) Tales of…series
[X]Abyss
[X]Symphonia
[_]Tex Murphy
[_]Thief series
[_]Ultima series
[_]Wirehead
[_]Wizardry
Progress is slow down here, eh? Well, I'm busy, so sue me. I'll warn you, if you do, I'll win. But look, it's got nicer boxes and it's alphabetically organized and all...
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 14, 2009
Whoa, an update.
I can't believe I'm updating tonight. I spent all of today and yesterday dreading today's update, since it was gonna feel so FORCED. And whatddya know? Bam. Now I can write what I originally thought was going to be my FIRST update:
The long awaited: Oblivion!, by Bethesda, the popular developer of...well, a fuckton of stuff! Just go look at their site! Well, okay, it seems like it's just Morrowind and Fallout, but whatever.
So you know, I've heard a lot about Oblivion. Most of it as been praise, and this review on GameFAQs stands out as being fucking hilariously fanboy-ish. Me, well, my entire opinion couldn't be accurately summed up in one word. Actually, yes it could. Meh.
I picked up Oblivion a while ago, originally playing because my stepbro was and I thought it looked cool. So I rolled a character. I picked an Iksar--I mean, an ARGONIAN as my character because lizards are awesome. And you know what? I figured a hand-to-hand spellcaster would be awesome. I mean, really, this lizard that can beat the crap out of you AND light you up? That's just overpowered.
Well, apparently Bethesda thought so too, because hand-to-hand FUCKING SUCKS. And I spent most of my time trying to level that shit up so it wouldn't suck, and someone forgot to mention that the world LEVELS with you, so I figured, hey, levels, makes things easier.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. afirewgyirejgkmr'e;
*scribbles on last two paragraphs*
SO I ROLLED AN ARGONIAN. And this time, being the learned person I was, I picked SWORDS and spells. And this time it went much smoother because the game didn't dick me over and make my attacks retardedly ineffective. Which, I'm serious, a retarded kid drooling on my opponent would have been more effective than my punches.
Right. Well, after having my first attempt to make a decent character dicked over, I knew the game a hell of a lot better and didn't fuck everything up. I hate games that do that by the way. Why would you give people options and then say "Oh, forgot to mention, these ones suck." And while I'm taking about that, who the hell wants 9001 customizable options for your character? Seriously, you don't even fucking see your character for most of the game. The entire thing becomes a huge waste.
...Anyhow. Moving on. You know, the second time around, I was struck by how confoundingly EASY the game was. At first, when I hear a guy had said he'd had more trouble with Fallout than Oblivion, I was surprised. But then I figured out you could kill anything by running up and smacking your right trigger button. Or attack key, if you're playing on the comp. Now, I know Fallout had the VAATS system, but the thing is, if you didn't kill a mob with VAATS, you were stuck with the regular aiming, which, if you didn't know, with an Xbox controller SUCKS. And hell, it didn't hit ALL the time.
By the way, at the point where I am in Oblivion, I can fucking perma-stealth myself and smack something as many times as I like with the 6x sneak bonus damage. Really. And they never hit me back either. It's, er, rather ridiculous I can do this. Yay for chameleon.
Anyways, for a game I don't really consider a terrible amount of fun, I sure did sink a lot of hours into it. Why? Because you cannot do ANYTHING in Oblivion in a short amount of time. You'll be trying to complete some mundane quest, and bam, you just lost 2 hours of your life.
And that's for the MUNDANE quests. Holy fecal matter, trying to get through a guild quest? But I admit, it's nice just dropping a bunch of time into it. Especially if you have nothing better to do. In fact, I could even go as far to say...
...It's cathartic.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
The long awaited: Oblivion!, by Bethesda, the popular developer of...well, a fuckton of stuff! Just go look at their site! Well, okay, it seems like it's just Morrowind and Fallout, but whatever.
So you know, I've heard a lot about Oblivion. Most of it as been praise, and this review on GameFAQs stands out as being fucking hilariously fanboy-ish. Me, well, my entire opinion couldn't be accurately summed up in one word. Actually, yes it could. Meh.
I picked up Oblivion a while ago, originally playing because my stepbro was and I thought it looked cool. So I rolled a character. I picked an Iksar--I mean, an ARGONIAN as my character because lizards are awesome. And you know what? I figured a hand-to-hand spellcaster would be awesome. I mean, really, this lizard that can beat the crap out of you AND light you up? That's just overpowered.
Well, apparently Bethesda thought so too, because hand-to-hand FUCKING SUCKS. And I spent most of my time trying to level that shit up so it wouldn't suck, and someone forgot to mention that the world LEVELS with you, so I figured, hey, levels, makes things easier.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. afirewgyirejgkmr'e;
*scribbles on last two paragraphs*
SO I ROLLED AN ARGONIAN. And this time, being the learned person I was, I picked SWORDS and spells. And this time it went much smoother because the game didn't dick me over and make my attacks retardedly ineffective. Which, I'm serious, a retarded kid drooling on my opponent would have been more effective than my punches.
Right. Well, after having my first attempt to make a decent character dicked over, I knew the game a hell of a lot better and didn't fuck everything up. I hate games that do that by the way. Why would you give people options and then say "Oh, forgot to mention, these ones suck." And while I'm taking about that, who the hell wants 9001 customizable options for your character? Seriously, you don't even fucking see your character for most of the game. The entire thing becomes a huge waste.
...Anyhow. Moving on. You know, the second time around, I was struck by how confoundingly EASY the game was. At first, when I hear a guy had said he'd had more trouble with Fallout than Oblivion, I was surprised. But then I figured out you could kill anything by running up and smacking your right trigger button. Or attack key, if you're playing on the comp. Now, I know Fallout had the VAATS system, but the thing is, if you didn't kill a mob with VAATS, you were stuck with the regular aiming, which, if you didn't know, with an Xbox controller SUCKS. And hell, it didn't hit ALL the time.
By the way, at the point where I am in Oblivion, I can fucking perma-stealth myself and smack something as many times as I like with the 6x sneak bonus damage. Really. And they never hit me back either. It's, er, rather ridiculous I can do this. Yay for chameleon.
Anyways, for a game I don't really consider a terrible amount of fun, I sure did sink a lot of hours into it. Why? Because you cannot do ANYTHING in Oblivion in a short amount of time. You'll be trying to complete some mundane quest, and bam, you just lost 2 hours of your life.
And that's for the MUNDANE quests. Holy fecal matter, trying to get through a guild quest? But I admit, it's nice just dropping a bunch of time into it. Especially if you have nothing better to do. In fact, I could even go as far to say...
...It's cathartic.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 12, 2009
I wanna be the very best...
So, today, I would normally be ragging on the little city-travel mode No More Heroes has to offer in between ranked fights. However, I beat it yesterday...and, well, it WOULD be a mind fuck, if I didn't know the developers were just fucking around with it to fuck around with it. Really, why the FUCK did they throw a storyline in there more than "Travis wants to be #1 so he can sleep with the hot lady"? Noooo. THEY HAD TO STICK THEIR DICK IN IT. God DAMMIT.
So I have to say, the game was a lot of fun for about the first half, until the repetition really set in and the game knew you just wanted it to end. They threw in some nick-knacks and such to try to mix it up and failed horribly. And then they were being original...FOR THE SAKE OF BEING ORIGINAL. God DAMN.
But, in my opinion, the game is still worth picking up and finishing. If only so you can enjoy that first half.
So, that's it for that rant...More S4 league! Unfortunately, I didn't run into any funny conversations last night, although there was one guy complaining about the Smash Rifle, which is amusing because it sucks. Lemme put it this way: You have about an equal chance of hitting someone 3 feet from you and 3 miles from you. That thing's accuracy is FUCKED.
Err, I have an addendum to make to my last post on S4 League. The developer is Pentavision, but the non-Korean distributor is Alaplaya. I think that's how it goes. The Korean servers are something of a test server for the new patches and stuff, and then the European (and us few American folks that play this) servers get the patches, almost bug free, about 6 months later.
Anyways, there's one specific thing I wanted to comment about today in S4 League: The Level system (watch out, this page could take a second to load). You start out as a rookie for 20 levels, then become a Semi-Pro, Pro, then S1-S4 rank, S4 rank being the highest in the game. In total, there are 100 levels.
"Now, Chrys", you might ask, "in a game you are saying is somewhat balanced except for the lag and the occasional hacker, there are levels? Doesn't this set off the balance in favor of those who are higher level?"
Well, yes, in a way it does. But see, levels just indicate the amount of time you've spent playing the damn game. Which means no matter how much you suck, you can still rank up. In addition, ranking up just gives you money (with about 10 of the 100 giving 10,000 PEN (money). The rest all give just 2,000). However, generally, people improve based upon how long they've been playing, and rank is a good indicator of that (although not perfect, there are twats that remake characters just to pick on rookies).
Moving on. The highest rank I have ever seen is a Pro, although the precise combination of stripes and corners eludes me (you get a stripe every 5 levels, and the 4 before that, your corners are gradually filled in. This does not give one a sense of achievement). But you know, this reminds me of something...
Something...say, a song. You know which song...
"I wanna be...the VERY BEST...like NO ONE EVER WAS..."
And now that's stuck in your head. Muahahaha.
Huh. Three people are following this blog and there's a total of...three comments? Sweet. Nice to see some of you guys again. Also, in the last post, I meant "wallpaper", not "font". But I like this wallpaper, besides the fact it makes me look like a pretentious bastard.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
So I have to say, the game was a lot of fun for about the first half, until the repetition really set in and the game knew you just wanted it to end. They threw in some nick-knacks and such to try to mix it up and failed horribly. And then they were being original...FOR THE SAKE OF BEING ORIGINAL. God DAMN.
But, in my opinion, the game is still worth picking up and finishing. If only so you can enjoy that first half.
So, that's it for that rant...More S4 league! Unfortunately, I didn't run into any funny conversations last night, although there was one guy complaining about the Smash Rifle, which is amusing because it sucks. Lemme put it this way: You have about an equal chance of hitting someone 3 feet from you and 3 miles from you. That thing's accuracy is FUCKED.
Err, I have an addendum to make to my last post on S4 League. The developer is Pentavision, but the non-Korean distributor is Alaplaya. I think that's how it goes. The Korean servers are something of a test server for the new patches and stuff, and then the European (and us few American folks that play this) servers get the patches, almost bug free, about 6 months later.
Anyways, there's one specific thing I wanted to comment about today in S4 League: The Level system (watch out, this page could take a second to load). You start out as a rookie for 20 levels, then become a Semi-Pro, Pro, then S1-S4 rank, S4 rank being the highest in the game. In total, there are 100 levels.
"Now, Chrys", you might ask, "in a game you are saying is somewhat balanced except for the lag and the occasional hacker, there are levels? Doesn't this set off the balance in favor of those who are higher level?"
Well, yes, in a way it does. But see, levels just indicate the amount of time you've spent playing the damn game. Which means no matter how much you suck, you can still rank up. In addition, ranking up just gives you money (with about 10 of the 100 giving 10,000 PEN (money). The rest all give just 2,000). However, generally, people improve based upon how long they've been playing, and rank is a good indicator of that (although not perfect, there are twats that remake characters just to pick on rookies).
Moving on. The highest rank I have ever seen is a Pro, although the precise combination of stripes and corners eludes me (you get a stripe every 5 levels, and the 4 before that, your corners are gradually filled in. This does not give one a sense of achievement). But you know, this reminds me of something...
Something...say, a song. You know which song...
"I wanna be...the VERY BEST...like NO ONE EVER WAS..."
And now that's stuck in your head. Muahahaha.
Huh. Three people are following this blog and there's a total of...three comments? Sweet. Nice to see some of you guys again. Also, in the last post, I meant "wallpaper", not "font". But I like this wallpaper, besides the fact it makes me look like a pretentious bastard.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 10, 2009
Horrific story
Alright, everybody. I have a horrific story to tell tonight. If you have a weak stomach, just scroll past this part until I start talking about No More Heroes. For those of you brave enough to trudge on...
I have witnessed the full effect of antidepressant drugs tonight. A working superior of mine (who will remain anonymous) was under the influence tonight. He's normally a semi-cynical bastard. Well, tonight, as he started his shift...he was completely different. Gleefully, he would greet customers as they pulled up to place their orders at our humble Burger King, grinning like a fool the entire time. He did his best to make the customers get their order with a smile on their face. And get this - it didn't appear that he needed to put forth any effort at all to do this. At the time, I was stunned. How could the cynical person I had grown to know be so suddenly transformed? There's only one answer: Drugs.
And then I had one of the most disturbing images I have ever thought of. Imagine for a moment that you've just walked into a Burger King. Now imagine that everyone working there had to take an antidepressant before starting their shift. All of the work force is cheery and smiling and laughing. Gleefully they take your order and assemble it on a tray or in a bag. They can only grin foolishly as a coke is spilled for the umpteenth time.
This is officially my new version of hell. A place where people enjoy working fast food. If such a place does exist, then there really is no god and I was right.
For those of you that skipped the above section, you're all pussies.
No More Heroes! One of the few mature games for the Wii, one of the fewer decent games! You're a semi-personified Japanese-obsessed nerd...except for the fact you have a BEAM KATANA and you're a former pro-wrestler. It's pretty great to see the audience that No More Heroes is catering to. Along with having posters and figurines of an unnamed typical Japanese anime (edit: I just checked, and it's called Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly...erm, I should have left it unnamed), he also has a record of renting and not returning a lot of porno videos.
I'm beginning to wonder if I need to mark this for adult content.
Travis Touchdown*, the main character, is scouted out by the lovely-breasted Sylvia...someone. I forgot her last name. Anyways, he's scouted out by this chick with her shirt half undone (caaaatering) to enter the official USAA assassin's association or some bullshit...basically, he's entered into this corporation to kill 10 other, higher ranked assassins, and become the best of them all. As far as I can see, Travis' entire motivation to do this is that killing is fun and Sylvia will let him sleep with her if he becomes the best.
*This is Travis. Not a terrible guy, but freakin' creepy. If you read the manual (like ME), you see he has a "long lost love" named Jeane. He also has a cat named Jeane. STRANGE.
There are a lot of funny quirks to the game, though. You always save by sitting on a toilet. Your beam katana has to be recharged every now and then, which is done by pressing the 1 button and vigorously shaking the Wiimote (which puzzles me, since shouldn't all the teenage boys with their hands in their pants be...nevermind). After killing an enemy by either slashing them or body slamming them and then slashing them, you might get a power-up prompted by the shouting of say, "Strawberry on the Shortcake", followed by Travis going super-saiyan. You do little jobs like picking up litter or moving lawns to make money, which prompts your client to request you to kill someone. I'm not sure when that became a good indicator of who's good to go to when you need someone killed, but then again, I suppose it's called "No More Heroes" for a reason, eh?
I could go on for a while on all the weird little things in this game. But that makes it very unique, and it's obvious it doesn't take itself too seriously, so I can look past the obvious chauvinism and push my natural feminism away in favor of having a good time.
There is a rather large killing point on the game for me, though, and no pun intended. When you're fighting the main bosses (the ranked assassins you kill to get higher in rank yourself), the game suddenly drops the pretense of being a humorous game and becomes serious and story-oriented. The boss fights themselves are a little boring and tedious as it comes down to just waiting until the bosses are vulnerable to either a throw or a couple nicely placed slashes. After the fight, you get a little bit of storyline and drama...then you're thrown back in the town of Santa Destroy, to get enough money to do the next fight. It's a little jarring and kinda disrupts the flow, to me, but I can also see how it would, say, stir anticipation.
But in a game with so many quirks and such, a fight that ends with [MINOR SPOILERS] Travis saying "I'm sorry for not saying this sooner...but I love your soul." after winning against one of the assassins...[END MINOR SPOILERS] Well, it doesn't seem to fit.
Anyways, I'm done being a SERIOUS GAME CRITIC, so I'm going to move on to making fun of some of the more ridiculous boss fights of the game (read: the ones I did last night). If you plan on picking up this game later and absolutely DESPISE spoilers, just stop reading this entire post (did you not read my horrific story at the top too? ARE YOU GOING TO READ ANY OF THIS POST?) because there are MINOR SPOILERS. But nothing that's going to ruin the fucking game.
Ranked whatever: Destroyman.
Have any of you ever played Xenosaga? No? Well there was a (female) character in the game that had a VAGINA CANNON. One of my favorite moves to use. Well, Destroyman had a VAGINA CANNON too. Which is true because HE IS A GIRL. Not literally you weirdo. But he's a parody of a superhero (see City of Heroes) with moves like DESTROY BEAM, or DESTROY CANNON. And he is a complete and total pussy. He can't even actually fly, so midway through the fight he gets some rope to hoist himself into the air. Talk about failing.
Ranking on the awesomeness scale: -10/10
Ranked whatever: Holly Summers
An army woman with a robotic leg. Now, this boss fight DOES follow the previously mentioned pattern of block/dodge and smack the boss whenever they decide they want to be hit, but...well, did I mention the ASS MISSLES? This is one of the most unfair fights I've encountered to this point. Let me explain.
The fight takes place on a beach. You fight your way through a horde or two of enemies...where you have to deal with LAND MINES. I didn't have too much of a problem with them, but there are two scenes where Travis is BLOW THE FUCK ACROSS THE BEACH, creating a feeling of unfairness. Then, when you're fighting the actual boss, she has various holes dug into the beach, which you can fall into and most certainly will at least 10 times. She then laughingly tosses a grenade in and watches you struggle to get out in time. If you're NOT in a hole, though, you're trying to avoid her shovel attacks and grenades and did I mention the ASS MISSLES? Those things are just completely unfair. You could have just climbed out of a hole and then? ASS MISSLE'D to the face.
My last two complaints about this fight: This boss can run WAY faster than you, and abuses it. Also, she can run over her own holes...even if they're not covered. Apparently she has some sort of levitation device in that leg of hers. So you're chasing after her, and if you haven't fallen into all of the holes on the beach at LEAST once, you're more than likely going to fall into one, crawl out just in time to avoid the grenades, and get hit by ASS MISSLES.
Trying a new font again. I'll probably be playing around with them for a bit, so I would appreciate the feedback from anyone who's actually reading this. Also, I think I'll be updating every couple of days. For those of you that don't know what a couple is, that's two. Once every two days, or maybe consecutively if I get a good idea. Finally, do you realize the ass-ton of sprites I have to make just to make a character in a game MOVE, nevermind fight? And don't get me started on the enemies!
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
I have witnessed the full effect of antidepressant drugs tonight. A working superior of mine (who will remain anonymous) was under the influence tonight. He's normally a semi-cynical bastard. Well, tonight, as he started his shift...he was completely different. Gleefully, he would greet customers as they pulled up to place their orders at our humble Burger King, grinning like a fool the entire time. He did his best to make the customers get their order with a smile on their face. And get this - it didn't appear that he needed to put forth any effort at all to do this. At the time, I was stunned. How could the cynical person I had grown to know be so suddenly transformed? There's only one answer: Drugs.
And then I had one of the most disturbing images I have ever thought of. Imagine for a moment that you've just walked into a Burger King. Now imagine that everyone working there had to take an antidepressant before starting their shift. All of the work force is cheery and smiling and laughing. Gleefully they take your order and assemble it on a tray or in a bag. They can only grin foolishly as a coke is spilled for the umpteenth time.
This is officially my new version of hell. A place where people enjoy working fast food. If such a place does exist, then there really is no god and I was right.
For those of you that skipped the above section, you're all pussies.
No More Heroes! One of the few mature games for the Wii, one of the fewer decent games! You're a semi-personified Japanese-obsessed nerd...except for the fact you have a BEAM KATANA and you're a former pro-wrestler. It's pretty great to see the audience that No More Heroes is catering to. Along with having posters and figurines of an unnamed typical Japanese anime (edit: I just checked, and it's called Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly...erm, I should have left it unnamed), he also has a record of renting and not returning a lot of porno videos.
I'm beginning to wonder if I need to mark this for adult content.
Travis Touchdown*, the main character, is scouted out by the lovely-breasted Sylvia...someone. I forgot her last name. Anyways, he's scouted out by this chick with her shirt half undone (caaaatering) to enter the official USAA assassin's association or some bullshit...basically, he's entered into this corporation to kill 10 other, higher ranked assassins, and become the best of them all. As far as I can see, Travis' entire motivation to do this is that killing is fun and Sylvia will let him sleep with her if he becomes the best.
*This is Travis. Not a terrible guy, but freakin' creepy. If you read the manual (like ME), you see he has a "long lost love" named Jeane. He also has a cat named Jeane. STRANGE.
There are a lot of funny quirks to the game, though. You always save by sitting on a toilet. Your beam katana has to be recharged every now and then, which is done by pressing the 1 button and vigorously shaking the Wiimote (which puzzles me, since shouldn't all the teenage boys with their hands in their pants be...nevermind). After killing an enemy by either slashing them or body slamming them and then slashing them, you might get a power-up prompted by the shouting of say, "Strawberry on the Shortcake", followed by Travis going super-saiyan. You do little jobs like picking up litter or moving lawns to make money, which prompts your client to request you to kill someone. I'm not sure when that became a good indicator of who's good to go to when you need someone killed, but then again, I suppose it's called "No More Heroes" for a reason, eh?
I could go on for a while on all the weird little things in this game. But that makes it very unique, and it's obvious it doesn't take itself too seriously, so I can look past the obvious chauvinism and push my natural feminism away in favor of having a good time.
There is a rather large killing point on the game for me, though, and no pun intended. When you're fighting the main bosses (the ranked assassins you kill to get higher in rank yourself), the game suddenly drops the pretense of being a humorous game and becomes serious and story-oriented. The boss fights themselves are a little boring and tedious as it comes down to just waiting until the bosses are vulnerable to either a throw or a couple nicely placed slashes. After the fight, you get a little bit of storyline and drama...then you're thrown back in the town of Santa Destroy, to get enough money to do the next fight. It's a little jarring and kinda disrupts the flow, to me, but I can also see how it would, say, stir anticipation.
But in a game with so many quirks and such, a fight that ends with [MINOR SPOILERS] Travis saying "I'm sorry for not saying this sooner...but I love your soul." after winning against one of the assassins...[END MINOR SPOILERS] Well, it doesn't seem to fit.
Anyways, I'm done being a SERIOUS GAME CRITIC, so I'm going to move on to making fun of some of the more ridiculous boss fights of the game (read: the ones I did last night). If you plan on picking up this game later and absolutely DESPISE spoilers, just stop reading this entire post (did you not read my horrific story at the top too? ARE YOU GOING TO READ ANY OF THIS POST?) because there are MINOR SPOILERS. But nothing that's going to ruin the fucking game.
Ranked whatever: Destroyman.
Have any of you ever played Xenosaga? No? Well there was a (female) character in the game that had a VAGINA CANNON. One of my favorite moves to use. Well, Destroyman had a VAGINA CANNON too. Which is true because HE IS A GIRL. Not literally you weirdo. But he's a parody of a superhero (see City of Heroes) with moves like DESTROY BEAM, or DESTROY CANNON. And he is a complete and total pussy. He can't even actually fly, so midway through the fight he gets some rope to hoist himself into the air. Talk about failing.
Ranking on the awesomeness scale: -10/10
Ranked whatever: Holly Summers
An army woman with a robotic leg. Now, this boss fight DOES follow the previously mentioned pattern of block/dodge and smack the boss whenever they decide they want to be hit, but...well, did I mention the ASS MISSLES? This is one of the most unfair fights I've encountered to this point. Let me explain.
The fight takes place on a beach. You fight your way through a horde or two of enemies...where you have to deal with LAND MINES. I didn't have too much of a problem with them, but there are two scenes where Travis is BLOW THE FUCK ACROSS THE BEACH, creating a feeling of unfairness. Then, when you're fighting the actual boss, she has various holes dug into the beach, which you can fall into and most certainly will at least 10 times. She then laughingly tosses a grenade in and watches you struggle to get out in time. If you're NOT in a hole, though, you're trying to avoid her shovel attacks and grenades and did I mention the ASS MISSLES? Those things are just completely unfair. You could have just climbed out of a hole and then? ASS MISSLE'D to the face.
My last two complaints about this fight: This boss can run WAY faster than you, and abuses it. Also, she can run over her own holes...even if they're not covered. Apparently she has some sort of levitation device in that leg of hers. So you're chasing after her, and if you haven't fallen into all of the holes on the beach at LEAST once, you're more than likely going to fall into one, crawl out just in time to avoid the grenades, and get hit by ASS MISSLES.
Trying a new font again. I'll probably be playing around with them for a bit, so I would appreciate the feedback from anyone who's actually reading this. Also, I think I'll be updating every couple of days. For those of you that don't know what a couple is, that's two. Once every two days, or maybe consecutively if I get a good idea. Finally, do you realize the ass-ton of sprites I have to make just to make a character in a game MOVE, nevermind fight? And don't get me started on the enemies!
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 9, 2009
And the second...
Lots of things tonight, [insert witty and clever name for readerbase]. Since I got past that awkward first post, I am now free to ramble about whatever the hell I want to!
First of all, I have a faint wish to be a game dev. once more. So I've decided to enter The Escapist's Stonking Great Video Game Contest. Because Zero Punctuation and Yahtzee are pretty cool. But I don't know the first damned thing about making a game...So if anyone that happens upon this happens to know about making a web-browser flash-based game, throw me a line.
Secondly, I am going to dedicate tonight's update to a game very close to my heart...And by close to my heart, I mean it's tolerable enough for me to play consistently.
This obscure game is a free, online game provided by Alaplaya, called S4 League. The name stands for Stylish eSper Shooting Sports. Now, I'm not one to normally criticize names ((yes I am)), but I have to say, that's an...awkward name, at best. I hate it when people take a random letter out of a word and capitalize it to make a suitably not-retarded acronym. It's like cheating all of the people who came up with a name that DOESN'T sound retarded when it's made into an acronym.
...Anyway, the gameplay is broken down like this: you are thrown into a map on a team (alpha or beta) in one of two modes: Deathmatch or Touchdown. Deathmatch is kill the other team more than they kill you. Very complex. Touchdown...is football. Grab the ball (Fumbi*) from the center and run it to the opposite team's goal post. Kind of a pain. The nifty thing about this particular game is that you can do all sorts of cool acrobatics (wall jumping and dashing left/right, chiefly). This also means you might get beaten down terribly by people who are better at jumping than you. Or worse, they may be able to get 2-second scores on certain maps, which is really just arse.
*These are Fumbis. Creepy little buggers, eh? What's worse is that, when you grab them, they become just a floating head.
Which brings me to the next part of this game: weapons and skills. At any one time you can have up to three weapons and a skill. You must have AT LEAST a weapon and a skill to play a match. Which is a natural process of elimination for the people that don't figure that shit out. *clears throat*
HEY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BUY CLOTHING FIRST IN S4 LEAGUE TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER LOOK COOL.
Ahem. Now that we've dealt with the lesser-minded... I do enjoy this game because it's balanced based on skill. Sure there's a few cheap weapons and skills, and definite ways to exploit them, but when you compare it to, say, World of Warcraft's ridiculous PvP, it is much, much more fair. There are cheap things, but when you learn how people exploit them, it's just a matter of skill to beat them. Anyways, since this is an ONLINE game experience, I'm going to polish this off with a few stories I collected yesterday and today.
Just for you.
First of all, let's start off with a guy who we're going to call UnoriginalName111. He was on my team, and was so terribly stuck up his own arse, he kept flaunting his own awesomeness and was calling out somebody on the opposing team for lagging when we were losing. If he has time to be casually chatting, you'd think he would have time to go score us a few points or something.
Not to say this guy wasn't carrying his own weight or anything. If we looked at the team score for my team, it'd go something like this
UnorignalName111
XXXXX
XXXXX
XXXXX
Chrysocollus
XXXXX
So yeah, doing a hell of a lot better than I was. But was still being a cocky douchebag, so I decided I ought to give him my own brand of justice.
Chrys: Hey, for a guy whose name is as unoriginal as yours...
UnoriginalName111: Oh yeah? What about it?
Chrys: You're awfully stuck up your own ass. ^^
UnorignalName111: Yeah? Well at least I'm not shit. Up your DPS. ((Haha, he used the acronym "DPS" in S4 League! Hahahaha!))
Chrys: Jeez, everything is shit. I'm shit, you're shit, the world is shit.
UnoriginalName111: You can go be shit by yourself. Oh, and Chrys? You're an arse.
And here is where I came up with my witty, brilliant comeback.
Chrys: Why, yes. I am an ass.
Chrys: And it takes one to know one.
UnoriginalName111: lol what are you, 5?
Chrys: At least I can admit I'm an ass.
And his response?
UnoriginalName111: I'm an unfriendly person.
The understatement astounds me.
~`~
Something funny that happened earlier tonight. A guy we'll call "BonesXPrimate" is in three of the same matches as I am in a row. The first two, my team loses and his team wins. In the second one, however, we manage a few points, which provokes this terrifying quote:
BonesXPrimate: I'm angry now.
BonesXPrimate: You have provoked the reaoer.
BonesXPrimate: Reaper.
The match after, and his team is losing to mine by an astounding 5 points by halftime. To which he says...
BonesXPrimate: Meh, I have to go.
BonesXPrimate: Mom's kicking me off anyhow...
Now, it might just be me, but this kid has gone from "You have provoked the reaper" to "My mom is kicking me off the computer". I'm sorry, it might just be me, but even as I'm rewriting it a few hours later, I'm still cracking up about it.
Finally, a humorous story involving work following me home like a fucking STALKER:
"AngryWhopper has joined the room."
Chrys: YOU ARE NAMED
Chrys: AFTER A BURGER
Chrys: FROM THE PLACE I WORK.
AngryWhopper: I KNOW.
RandomGuy: Burger King?
Chrys: ((Oh shit, they're following me.))
Hey anyone who's reading this, how's the wallpaper? Good? Bad? Meeeh? Lemme know.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
First of all, I have a faint wish to be a game dev. once more. So I've decided to enter The Escapist's Stonking Great Video Game Contest. Because Zero Punctuation and Yahtzee are pretty cool. But I don't know the first damned thing about making a game...So if anyone that happens upon this happens to know about making a web-browser flash-based game, throw me a line.
Secondly, I am going to dedicate tonight's update to a game very close to my heart...And by close to my heart, I mean it's tolerable enough for me to play consistently.
This obscure game is a free, online game provided by Alaplaya, called S4 League. The name stands for Stylish eSper Shooting Sports. Now, I'm not one to normally criticize names ((yes I am)), but I have to say, that's an...awkward name, at best. I hate it when people take a random letter out of a word and capitalize it to make a suitably not-retarded acronym. It's like cheating all of the people who came up with a name that DOESN'T sound retarded when it's made into an acronym.
...Anyway, the gameplay is broken down like this: you are thrown into a map on a team (alpha or beta) in one of two modes: Deathmatch or Touchdown. Deathmatch is kill the other team more than they kill you. Very complex. Touchdown...is football. Grab the ball (Fumbi*) from the center and run it to the opposite team's goal post. Kind of a pain. The nifty thing about this particular game is that you can do all sorts of cool acrobatics (wall jumping and dashing left/right, chiefly). This also means you might get beaten down terribly by people who are better at jumping than you. Or worse, they may be able to get 2-second scores on certain maps, which is really just arse.
*These are Fumbis. Creepy little buggers, eh? What's worse is that, when you grab them, they become just a floating head.Which brings me to the next part of this game: weapons and skills. At any one time you can have up to three weapons and a skill. You must have AT LEAST a weapon and a skill to play a match. Which is a natural process of elimination for the people that don't figure that shit out. *clears throat*
HEY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BUY CLOTHING FIRST IN S4 LEAGUE TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER LOOK COOL.
Ahem. Now that we've dealt with the lesser-minded... I do enjoy this game because it's balanced based on skill. Sure there's a few cheap weapons and skills, and definite ways to exploit them, but when you compare it to, say, World of Warcraft's ridiculous PvP, it is much, much more fair. There are cheap things, but when you learn how people exploit them, it's just a matter of skill to beat them. Anyways, since this is an ONLINE game experience, I'm going to polish this off with a few stories I collected yesterday and today.
Just for you.
First of all, let's start off with a guy who we're going to call UnoriginalName111. He was on my team, and was so terribly stuck up his own arse, he kept flaunting his own awesomeness and was calling out somebody on the opposing team for lagging when we were losing. If he has time to be casually chatting, you'd think he would have time to go score us a few points or something.
Not to say this guy wasn't carrying his own weight or anything. If we looked at the team score for my team, it'd go something like this
UnorignalName111
XXXXX
XXXXX
XXXXX
Chrysocollus
XXXXX
So yeah, doing a hell of a lot better than I was. But was still being a cocky douchebag, so I decided I ought to give him my own brand of justice.
Chrys: Hey, for a guy whose name is as unoriginal as yours...
UnoriginalName111: Oh yeah? What about it?
Chrys: You're awfully stuck up your own ass. ^^
UnorignalName111: Yeah? Well at least I'm not shit. Up your DPS. ((Haha, he used the acronym "DPS" in S4 League! Hahahaha!))
Chrys: Jeez, everything is shit. I'm shit, you're shit, the world is shit.
UnoriginalName111: You can go be shit by yourself. Oh, and Chrys? You're an arse.
And here is where I came up with my witty, brilliant comeback.
Chrys: Why, yes. I am an ass.
Chrys: And it takes one to know one.
UnoriginalName111: lol what are you, 5?
Chrys: At least I can admit I'm an ass.
And his response?
UnoriginalName111: I'm an unfriendly person.
The understatement astounds me.
~`~
Something funny that happened earlier tonight. A guy we'll call "BonesXPrimate" is in three of the same matches as I am in a row. The first two, my team loses and his team wins. In the second one, however, we manage a few points, which provokes this terrifying quote:
BonesXPrimate: I'm angry now.
BonesXPrimate: You have provoked the reaoer.
BonesXPrimate: Reaper.
The match after, and his team is losing to mine by an astounding 5 points by halftime. To which he says...
BonesXPrimate: Meh, I have to go.
BonesXPrimate: Mom's kicking me off anyhow...
Now, it might just be me, but this kid has gone from "You have provoked the reaper" to "My mom is kicking me off the computer". I'm sorry, it might just be me, but even as I'm rewriting it a few hours later, I'm still cracking up about it.
Finally, a humorous story involving work following me home like a fucking STALKER:
"AngryWhopper has joined the room."
Chrys: YOU ARE NAMED
Chrys: AFTER A BURGER
Chrys: FROM THE PLACE I WORK.
AngryWhopper: I KNOW.
RandomGuy: Burger King?
Chrys: ((Oh shit, they're following me.))
Hey anyone who's reading this, how's the wallpaper? Good? Bad? Meeeh? Lemme know.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
August 8, 2009
The first post, which is the first...
So yay. A first post.
...
Erm, how do you start these things off? I mean, once you get into the flow of things, it's probably not so awkward, but... Sheesh, how hard could it to be to write an introduction to a blog that (hopefully) makes people laugh...or chuckle...or smile. Whatever.
You may also notice that this blog is about gaming. Yes. It is. Whenever I find something funny to point out about a game, I'll probably write a little something on it and post it here. Incidentally, if I find something funny about something not game related, I may also post it here. But I will make the attempt to keep it somewhat gaming related.
By the way, this blog, this "Cathartic Gaming", takes itself MUCH less seriously than every other blog with the word "Cathartic" in it. I promise. It's just someplace that hopefully will have people dropping in to read every now and then, and a place for me to put my ramblings to be judged by the internets. Hopefully to be entertaining...
And if you don't like it, you can sod off, you twats.
See you tomorrow, my nonexistent readers.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
...
Erm, how do you start these things off? I mean, once you get into the flow of things, it's probably not so awkward, but... Sheesh, how hard could it to be to write an introduction to a blog that (hopefully) makes people laugh...or chuckle...or smile. Whatever.
You may also notice that this blog is about gaming. Yes. It is. Whenever I find something funny to point out about a game, I'll probably write a little something on it and post it here. Incidentally, if I find something funny about something not game related, I may also post it here. But I will make the attempt to keep it somewhat gaming related.
By the way, this blog, this "Cathartic Gaming", takes itself MUCH less seriously than every other blog with the word "Cathartic" in it. I promise. It's just someplace that hopefully will have people dropping in to read every now and then, and a place for me to put my ramblings to be judged by the internets. Hopefully to be entertaining...
And if you don't like it, you can sod off, you twats.
See you tomorrow, my nonexistent readers.
Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.
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