This year in review

Man. It's been a great year, hasn't it? This is, of course, the first year this blog has been on the web, and despite the fact I started in August, I think 5 months worth of blog posts is a lot of work. So let's see the games I've gone over and if there's anything memorable in that mess.

S4 League
HEY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BUY CLOTHING FIRST IN S4 LEAGUE TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTER LOOK COOL.

No More Heroes
ASS MISSLES

Oblivion
You cannot do ANYTHING in Oblivion in a short amount of time

Psychonauts
You can set random critters on fire!

Paper Mario
SHE'S A PROSTITUTE FOR GOD'S SAKE AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE

Flash Games
Oh god, never again

Elite Beat Agents
So if you cock it up, they get screwed.

Burger King


Trauma Center 2
TC:2 sucks and didn't need to be made qq.

Scribblenauts
Alright it's a puzzle solving game but dammit I want to summon more GIANT ENEMY CRABS.

Oregon Trail
Oh, this takes me back to the days when I was lingering in nonexistance, or perhaps the year I spent in my mother's womb.

Brave Fencer Musashi
..Maybe his hometown isn't actually a beach resort with naked ladies serving martinis, because it doesn't seem like he minds it so much.

Aion
Nevermind the fact there's shit you have to kill in the air, god forbid one of NCsoft's pop-ups kick you out of the game while you're in the air, 'cause you're gonna die from not being able to get back in the goddamn game in time to land safely.

Ratchet: Deadlocked
"Man, I am besides myself, and BOY do I look good!"

Torchlight
She sets out to try and cleanse the Torchlight mines and to keep her breasts from popping out of her shirt.

WoW
I don't know if other MMOs will pick this up, but I can't help but wonder if WoW just signed its own death warrent.

Disagree with me? Well, go ahead and post whatever the hell you think should've been up here. I just put up my favorite lines. And that's the year in review, Merry Holidays everyone.

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.

Man oh man...

tl;dr: Kate has a sweet dream and then has a hissy over the new stuff happening in the WoW universe.

Boy do I have a lot to talk about. Where to start, where to start?...Well, I think I'll start with the most self-absorbed part of the post so we can skip through it and forget about it by the end of the post, that way, nobody will ridicule me for being ridiculous.

So Kate, you may wonder, where have your treks through fairyland led you? Well, I don't know how this came about, sometime during the Colbert Report, where I had this crazy amazing vision. Ah, hell, shoot me if I say "crazy amazing" ever again. Anyways, I had this crazy ama- vision earlier, where I was storming through a hall with a handful of writers on one side at computes, and a team of artists on the others. They were all furiously designing a new game idea, fleshing it out- no, two- no, three. One of them turned to me and presented an idea and I looked it over approvingly. Then I was checking out the deadlines when someone turned to me and protested that the new graphics hardware would take longer than that to get finished.

With a flourish I spun around, producing a white cloth glove from nowhere and smacking him across the face with it. "To hell with your graphics!" I roared, causing him to cower in fear. "We have a great team of writers and artists that are making this game an epic storyline! With the most wonderous characters! Our graphics can stand to take a hit!" He nodded and scurried off to the dungeons, where I keep the grpahics developers.

...Aaand then my company crashed to the ground because nobody buys anything that isn't shiny. Anyways. Let's move on.

So I see World of Warcraft is increasingly becoming World of...of...I have no clever line for this. But it's becoming more and more of a babysitter. Okay, okay, I knew that the Heroic Dungeons in WoW were only called such in tradition, that you don't need a whole lot to get through them nowadays. But I mean, it's not like they're no work at all! I mean, you have to get a group together, and finding a tank AND a healer isn't easy. And chances are, if you find an easy tank and healer, then the DPSers will have MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHED.

"The Dungeon Finder is now available, providing players with quick and easy access to five-player parties." (Official Blizzard Website, World of Warcraft Patch Notes)

...Well, okay, that's pretty cool, I guess. You sign up as a tank, healer, or DPS and then you wait for a full group. Okay. I can see the benefit of that, it takes a big chunk out of the grouping process that we didn't really need. And it's not like you have multiple servers to pull from, so it could still take a while--

"This feature connects all realms within a battlegroup using an advanced matchmaking system, making it easier for players of all levels to find a dungeon group." (See above)

...Uh, well then. I guess that would make it easier. But uh, uhm...it's not like they're taking out ALL of the work, are they? I mean, there are things like travel time to take into account...

"Groups using this tool will be able to teleport directly to the selected instance." (...)

...
...
...Uhm...Well...Uh...So...Okay. Uh...That doesn't take all the work out of it. I mean, you still have to hearth and run back to get reagents--

"Upon leaving the instance, players will be returned to their original location. If any party member needs to temporarily leave the instance for reagents or repairs, they will have the option to teleport back to the instance." (<_<)

Bullsh--...
...
...Okay. Okay. So this is incredibly convenient, and pretty much eliminates any time involved getting reagents, or potions, or the item you just conveniently needed... Well. With players absolved of any responsibility of needing to remember to bring important shit, I bet there'll be noobs just swarming to get into places they're undergeared for, or not attuned to--

"As part of the matchmaking system, some of the more difficult dungeons will have a minimum gear requirement. Players also need to meet the requirements for dungeons that require attunement, such as keys or quests." ()

Wow, it's almost li--

"[And even if some douchebag DOES join your party]...a Vote Kick feature will be available in the event a member of a party is not performing to the expectations of the other members." (x.x)

...
...
...I...
...
...
...Fuck...
...
Well. Uh. Hm. It's almost like they're putting in a new system, and then doing things to make sure it won't be abused by assholes. Just...wow. I'm not surprised it's so easy a dumbass could do it, but...Blizzard compensating for it? Just blew my mind right there. I need to take a moment to let this sink in...

Ah...okay. Well...this is all fine and good...I guess since they threw a built-in questhelper too, they're just taking all the thinking out of WoW. Which is...good? But, people should do it only for the incentive of getting a group faster. They wouldn't do something like...offer a reward for doing this shit. I mean, since it's the easy way out, they waren't gonna give you another incentive to do this...

...Right...?

"Players who take part in groups who have one or more members who have been matched with them randomly from within the Dungeon Finder will receive extra rewards, up to and including the coveted Perky Pug non-combat pet." ()

...
...F-FUUUUUUUCK.

So, what you're trying to say is they just took ALL of the work out of finding a group, dealing with twats, botherin to prepare AT ALL for this shit, and just completely started babying you...AND THEY OFFER YOU REWARDS FOR IT?

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

*sigh* Deep breath. Okay. You might be looking at me...like I'm crazy for thinking that's a bad thing. Let me explain. Look, I'm not saying it as a whole is a bad thing. The traveling thing is kinda nice, honestly, although it does make for less responsibility. But the auto-assembling of a group...at first glance, it seems good. But when I first heard about it, I got this gut feeling. At the time, I couldn't put it into words why it seems like such a bad thing. Not having to deal with noobs? Getting a group fast and reliably? I don't like dealing with noobs and twats anymore than you do. There's even an option to vote-kick someone, although it will never get used.

How could I possibly think this is a bad thing? It's because...augh. *sigh* I knew I was going to eat these words eventually. Skim to the part about social gaming. I'll at least try to qualify it by saying some games fly in the face of "I play games on my own". All MMORPGs are examples of this. They are, honestly, built on interactions with other people. If you played WoW on your own...well...you wouldn't be playing for very long. It would just be a grind fest, and I'm sure there are lots of games that do it better and don't charge you 15 bucks a month plus expansions to play. No, you start to play because of other people, and you KEEP plaing because of other people. That's why, as you may recall, I quit that shit with a friend. And now I'll try to cool it with the links.

This new feature with the auto-group system fucking destroys all of that. It systemizes the process so much that people cease to be people to you. All they are is a walking set of gear that is hopefully not too retarded. They may as well be semi-functional AI bots at this point. And boy this is starting to sound like something that Yahtzee's written isn't it? Different context but the same message. "When you play online with someone, you're not a human being to them. You're just another little mewling voice in the magic box of secrets. If you're not in the same actual room, poised to punch them in the face, only their entertainment matters. You might as well just be an AI bot that swears." (From that link up there). Also, for comedic value, "I played World of Warcraft a few years back, and got quite addicted to it. That's one of the reasons why I diligently self-flagellate every evening, but I digress." Right, anyhow.

Yahtzee remembers WoW because it was a rich and colorful world, but I'm not Yahtzee. I remember it because of the people that were with me in that world. The dungeon runs were worth something because I had to weed out the idiots, the fuckwads, and the turds. Advancing means nothing if you don't have some companions that've been sweating blood alongside you. And so, with this new system, people will cease to be people. They will just be tools, to be used for a group and then moved on from. That experience that those of us had when there wasn't this shit around is going to die, and die fast. I don't know if other MMOs will pick this up, but I can't help but wonder if WoW just signed its own death warrent.

You'd think I would like that, that WoW might be on its way to dying...But you're never happy to see something you once loved die, no matter how long ago it was. And especially not of some horrible cancer that twists it so much you can't even recognize it.

Long post is long.

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.

Waaaugh

Getting kinda late, eh? Anyways. The reason I'm here so late is because I picked up Torchlight today. It's an adorable little Diablo clone with obvious Fable and World of Warcraft elements thrown in. It's NOT Diablo, but that's probably a good thing because I played the fuck out of Diable. And Diablo II. And when Diablo III comes out...well...we don't need to go there.

So, for today's post, before I go romp around merrily in fairyland, I want to introduce you to the set of classes you can play in Torchlight. For good or bad, there's only three, and they're somewhat stereotypical, although there's a little bit of a unique twist to each one.

You know what big hands mean.

First we have the destroyer...barbarian...thing...Yeah, Destroyer. All like uh..."DESTROYER SMASH." You know the drill with that stuff. Apparently he channels the spirits of his ancestors, but really, dead peopel aren't gonna kill anything (lawl zombies) so that's a null point. Maybe we'll see more of this guy later.

BOOBS!

Then we have the amazon vanquisher. Evidently the holiest (if you know what I mean) character, she sets out to try and cleanse the Torchlight mines and to keep her breasts from popping out of her shirt. She can use guns or preferably a bow (from what I've seen). I wanted to go traps with her, but then I read that traps suck, and now I don't want to play her. So maybe more on her later, too. But the main focus for tonight is...

A TWAT!

Here we have the infamous twat-- I mean, alchemist. But he is a twat. I mean, you run this guy out of mana, and he'll be all like "I don't have enough MANA." Like a...like a bratty teenage girl or something. Calm the fuck down man, take a mana pot or something. Oh uh...for the uninformed...Mana pot = mana potion. That magical (usually) blue liquid you drink so you can still burn stuff. You know.

So this is the guy I've been playing for the past few hours. He's a spellslinger, the kind that shoots for a while, downs a mana pot, and...continues shooting, until everything is dead. Unless you want to play him as a pet lord, which is the MOST BORING WAY TO PLAY IN THE WORLD. It's just as bad as playing a Warlock or Hunter in World of Warcraft because it just gets so damn boring. I can't even fathom why anyone would want to play that way unless they had a pre-leveled character that could already make like 9001 pets to run around and kill everything. And by that point you've bought a character and YOU LOSE.

Anways. So uh...nuking stuff is fun. Um...I really don't have anything else to say about it than that. Oh wait.

Puppy~~~

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.

I have an idea.

tl;dr: In this post, Kate makes a promise she won't keep and rages at S4 League.

For those of you that didn't read the title:

I have an idea.

Let's write a blog post every day for the next three weeks. I'm not doing much over the next three weeks (sans tomorrow), so it shouldn't be too hard. For that matter, it doesn't matter if they're particularly funny or high-quality. Because if I start criticizing myself, I think I'll post less.

No, let's make the goal of the next three weeks to write something everyday. And you know, I have incredible ideas mid-day. The best ideas, if only I had the time/motivation/energy to post them... So, instead, let's just try to get something down.

In other words, I want to have...let's see. 23 posts in December. Wait, there's not 23 days left in December?...Fuck, what day is it? The 13th?

Well, shit, I'm doomed to fail. Anyways.

So I want 23 blog posts between December and January. That's not so much to shoot for, right? Okay. Okay. Let's get to something interesting to read.

~`~

So I booted up S4 League again recently. Ironically, I played the best before all of the adrenaline-related twitch-yness took over. Also, chewed off a significant part of my fingertips. Bad habits die hard. But my recent experiences in S4 have made me ponder the gap between "noobs" and "pros". It seems to me like everyone falls into either one category or the either. Either someone sucks, or they're so ridiculously good that they make whatever team their on win.

Okay, so I think it would be really awesome to be in the latter category. Who wouldn't? Who LIKES losing? But I can't honestly think I suck, because, while I don't usually score, I get the ball pretty damn close, and while I rarely survive in Chaser mode, I usually beat the shit out of the chaser. In Deathmatch, my kill/death ratio is usually above 1:1, and I...well, okay, I make a really shitty chaser. Whatever. Either way, I don't think I'm terrible. Maybe I don't have the twitch factor I really need to pwn these nubs, but I can aim.

So where's that leave everyone else? Terrible (below me) or above average (above me)? And, more importantly, why is it that someone's apparent skill in a game is the only thing that matters? SCREW real life, because in a game you're just numbers. Literally, if you're a dumbass and your name really is just numbers. People tout their superiority like it's a crown that'll buy them the world.

I want to continue from there, but it's hard to without making myself sound dumb. For example: "Are people really that self absorbed?" Yes, yes they are. The Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory: Ordinary person + audience + anonymity = fuckwad. Now don't get me wrong. There are decent human beings on the internet. If you can find one, let me know. It won't be on S4 League. Well...eeeh. It's not that black and white. But it is a dark, dark shade of grey versus a light tint of grey.

Another thing I wanted to say was: "Are people really that dumb?" Yes, people really are that dumb. I know that. It hasn't been scientifically proven, but if you look into a crowd of people I guarantee that you will want to punch at least one of them for being clincially retarded. Of course, some people just have their moments, but this is the internet people. I have some friends that I'd like to punch ever now and then (quick, instantly assume you're one of those people. NOW I want to punch you. jesus.) but I mostly try to avoid the super-retarded.

It's just...why the hell do people get such a high opinion of themselves because they're good at a game? GRATS, YOU'VE SPENT MORE TIME ON THIS SHIT THAN ME. OR PICKED IT UP FASTER. OR HACKED. OR SOMETHING. I'd love to do nothing other than play S4 for a while. Sit around, do nothing but play, gain weight, start to smell. That would be great. Unfortunately, I have aspirations, such as finishing school or getting money. In short, I'm a nerd gamer, but that's not ALL I am.

It's not that I'm trying to insinuate that I'm better than these people (I am), but that I'm just trying to say "Calm the fuck down". It's not about who epic fail'd at defense or who's sucking or god dammit, the chaser's too fucking good. Don't get your panties in a bunch about the fact your team lost and that hurt your pride, god forbid you and your friends be pitted against each other because OH THE HORROR YOU WOULD HAVE TO KILL EACH OTHER BUT OH WAIT YOU COULDN'T ANYWAYS (Friends aren't friends if they can't shoot each other and then laugh about it afterwards, ESPECIALLY in a game). It's about jumping off walls and shooting people.

Just....fuck. Calm down. You people take this way too seriously.

Heuristic of the day: If you can't laugh light-heartedly after dying, you've been playing too much.

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.

Why would I want to?

So I sit here, with a glass of tea, contemplating something. I am about to make my first World of Warcraft post, after three months of trying not to. I don't even play it anymore. What am I doing making a post about it?

Well, I've been feeling the urge to play it again and it hurts but most importantly it's an update I can justify writing about in this blog. First of all, I feel I should address something regarding a statement of facts. I've said before that I've played WoW for six years. For those of you that are familiar with the series, you would have said I am a bullshit liar, because WoW recently celebrated its fifth aniversary. While that's not entirely untrue (that bit about me being a bullshit liar), I remember getting WoW at the age of ten. I guess it was actually eleven.

My bad.

I stopped playing World of Warcraft on February 4, 2009 with a friend, when we both decided the game kinda sucked and was really boring. For me, the Wrath of the Lich King expansion kinda killed the game and I'm definately worried about this new Cataclysm shit I'm hearing about. They're wrecking Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms, the Alliance got the Worgen and Horde got some fucking goblins (what sort of shit is that?), they're fucking with the class/race combinations (Blood elf warriors? Dwarf mages? Orc mages? NIGHT ELF MAGES? And what the fuck, Blizzard - Undead Hunters?).

Do you really want this guy to have fireballs? Really?

Oh, they're revamping Azeroth so you can fly? It's about fucking time the mount I dropped FIVE FUCKING THOUSAND GOLD ON can be flown in the ENTIRE GAME.

And, laughably, but it's kind of sad, too, they're revamping the stat system...again. I hope it's not as bad as when they tried to get people to stack spirit. Now THAT was terrible...

Do these two look very spiritual?

I just want to point out that PvP is never going to be good in WoW. If you think it is, then you play whatever the overpowered class of the day is. I'm not sure what it is nowadays. I've always felt sympathy for people that grind PvP gear because it is possibly the worst thing ever. At least on the server I was on, the Horde (almost) always lost. While it's not a big deal either way, constantly losing is not fun. And if you think it is, you, good sir, are a fucking liar.

Oh shit, they've got guild leveling. Fuck, that's hilarious. They've got that shit in Aion too, I might have mentioned. I didn't figure out what it did, but the elitist guilds that are out there? Now going to be even more elitist. Oh man, fucking wonderful.

As I'm typing this I'm feeling a lot better about my resolution to stay away from the crack cocaine known as WoW. Good lord. I'm surprised I can still recognize it as the same game.

NIGHT ELF MAGES.

All of this info I just googled on wowwiki. You can click that link and check out the rest of it for yourself if one of my three readers actually cares. Or hasn't looked it up yet, in the opposite case. One day I think I'll talk about just how horrible PvP was. But eh, who knows, maybe I was just bad at it.

...

Yeah, no, the PvP in WoW sucks ass and they fucked up Wintergrasp too, the first thing they had done right with PvP. Stupid dumbasses up at Blizzard...

Unfortuantely, I cannot guarantee that this is the last you'll hear of me on the forbidden WoW subject. It's been staved off for now, but I think that old addiction will come back every now and then. Why?

Well, it's not like almost everyone I know still fucking plays WoW. Because you know, that would make it really hard to stop myself from playing again.

God dammit.

Check out the list page. It's all updated and pretty.

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.