So female gamers.

The internet is a male dominated thing. Don't even get me started in video games. Medal of Duty 34 just came out, and the closest things we have to female-oriented games I just made fun of. It's a good thing there aren't any female gamers, then, because we'd have a really upset crowd on our hands, huh? I mean, when Darksiders came out it seemed good until I actually saw the damn thing, then I realized it was like a...like a preteen boy's power trip or something. I'd love to hear someone argue to me that Bayonetta is anything but a sex-appeal/fetish game, I mean seriously, hugely long legs, hair covering her body, guns everywhere...and apparently this is supposed to be beautiful and elegant? Maybe, I haven't played it, but I have my doubts. Besides, she has hair on her legs (sometimes) so isn't anyone bothered by that?

And who thought that planet-scanning thing was a good idea? ANYBODY? C'mon Bioware. Jeez. And way to fail with the whole romance-from-the-last-game concept, because THAT went somewhere...And now I'm off topic.

So it's a good thing there aren't any female gamers, huh? It seems like most games just have your typical something-teen male in mind. But I would imagine that, if I were a female gamer, you know, if there were any, I'd be mildly upset or disappointed or completely pissed off. Theoretically.

...Sigh.

So yeah. I'm sure there are the chicks out there that can get into a shooter, Borderlands, Call of Halo, or whatever. That's cool. I'm not big on them myself, but they're adaquate enough. Lately I've been getting into Geometry Wars, a sort of retro-style arcade shooter. It's fun and I feel good about myself after I get really high numbers for a score. But there are some games that I'll see...say, my step-brothers playing, and I just think..."I couldn't get into that."

I admit, I think that when I see Halo of Honor. It's the same damn game that's been made 34 times now, too, so it earns my ire not just for blatently marketing at the male teenage audience, but for recycling the same thing 34 times. Of course, don't think that Mario doesn't earn the same, if not more ire for the same exact thing. And in that instance, instead of there being no women, there's a princess who can't do shit for herself and has the survival instinct of a dead cat (see: Twilight) and also the personality of one (see: Twilight).

So is a game marketing to the same people who herald Twilight as the new Bible the idea "female game"? I hope not. Of course, I'm surprised that nobody has exploited that market yet. I know if I were a ruthless money-grubbing CEO of some soul-drained company, I would be all over that shit. ((You may say this should indicate there are no money-grubbing CEOs of some soul-drained game company, YOU ARE WRONG.)) But it certainly seems to be the thing to model the "ideal female game" after. It...makes me want to hurt myself a bit.

So I got to thinking. What WOULD my ideal game be? And what I came up with was...not much. So let's start with the basics. It'd be nice to have a mainstream female lead. I'm not saying EVERY game should have a main female lead. Most would/do end up like Bayonetta, which I'm sure was a good idea in theory. Additionally, I'm sure there should be a black lead, and an asian lead, and a female black asian lead. Who's gay. And Jewish. AND CRIPPLED. *cough*

So anyways. There doesn't need to be more than one. For those of you crying out "Metroid", I'm sorry. I love Samus to death, and I'll be damned if that isn't a step in the right direction, but it's less that she's female than that she's neither gender. Sure, there's the zero suit, but I...try not to acknowledge that. 

And NO, having the option to make a female/black/asian/gay/Jewish/crippled character in a game is NOT enough. Because any game with that option is going to have the white male as the advertising lead. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, MASS EFFECT. I'm sure that anyone that isn't a white male probably has felt something- nothing big, it's a small thing- but a little niggling at the back of their mind that something wasn't quite right. Their character, that they had died with, struggled with, came up with hare-brained schemes that couldn't possibly work to get them past the situation they were in THAT DID WORK, and saved the world with (maybe twice at this point)...and then there was this stranger stranding by their character in this commercial. Who is that?

And then the realization hits. It should have much sooner, and the answer is really obvious. It's Commander Shepard. The real Commander Shepard. Something you should have known.

I guess I got sidetracked. It is impossible to cater to every person. But it'd be great if we could stop focusing on one audience..wouldn't it? Not that this will change anything. Not that I've done any better.

Yet.

Want to tell this author what you think, but you don't want anyone else to see it? Think she's full of it and need to set her straight? Want to worship the ground she walks on? Well, good luck with that last one, but you can email Chrys at catharticgamer@yahoo.com and at least tell her what you think.

TELL ME I'M WRONG DAMMIT.